Tag: Letter to Loba

Loba is Advising

Dear Diary,

Loba shared with me a letter she got from an anxious dog mom. She wanted me to help her write the answer.

Dear Aunt Loba, please help me with my unruly pups. They are 6 months old, and they do not want to rest in their pen together in peace, but are constantly barking, whining, fighting and climbing on the structure. When they are let out, they don’t sleep on the sofa but bite, chew and scratch everything! All the furniture is destroyed. I am beside myself; do you think my pups have ADHD? Do I need to get them on medication? Please help.

Signed: Exhausted and Bewildered Mom.

This is what Loba told me to write:

Dear Exhausted and Bewildered Mom, your pups are perfectly normal and healthy, I bet they don’t have ADHD and no medication and therapy is needed. Your pups need exercise, take them for long exciting walks every day! And play time in a large area in between. You soon find your puppies calm and kind and willing to learn. No pup (or child) should be made to be passive for hours a day. It is not natural.

And Loba signed with a paw print.

Dear Aunt Loba, I have Trust Issues

Can you please give me advice. I love my boyfriend very much, he is an attractive shepherd mix, his fur is rich, his teeth big and his paws enormous.

The problem is that he says I am neurotic and overbearing, that I must give him more freedom and trust.

I am so confused, I really do get anxious when he disappears for days and I am left to look after our recent litter of 12. I do understand that he has to be away as he has another litter to support, the mother is an ugly bitch that tricked him and I know he does not love her.

I know I was snappy when he came back after three days and ate up the food I had scavenged for myself and the pups. Then we had an argument because I saw him with a lovely cocker girl, she is on heat, but he assures me nothing happened and that I should calm down and trust him, or he will leave me.

Dear Aunt Loba, am I neurotic and overbearing? Should I see a dog psychologist and work on my trust issues? I love my boyfriend and I don’t want him to leave, he says we might get married one day.

Debbie in the Dumps

Dear Debbie,

You do need to work on your personality, you are too trusting and you are dating a selfish jerk. Stop looking at his shiny coat and look at his behaviour. Stop making excuses for his lack of support to your, and other female’s pups. You will do better without him; for one, you don’t have to share your food with him and I can guarantee he will never marry you. He is no role model for your pups.

Aunt Loba

Dear Aunt Loba, My Human is in Trouble

Dear Aunt Loba, I am worried about my human Mom. I am always at her side doing everything I can for her, but she seems to want more. I am talking about boyfriends.

Well, it would be nice to have an extra human in our pack, but not just any human. She goes for guys that beat her up. I do not understand. I try to warn her, that he treats her badly, it is obvious. She does not listen, just asks me to stop barking, even tells me off when I defend her.

Why does she choose menacing guys? How can I protect her? How can I tell her to get a nerd?

Distressed and Scared

Dear Distressed and Scared,

Sometimes human females admire aggressive and narcissistic behaviour in men, thinking that they will be protected and gain in status as girlfriends. But the opposite happens, these men are abusive. All the guy have to say is “I love you” or “you are my baby” or something like that and her mind goes stupid.

Your Mom’s bad decisions are your reality too. I suggest you continue your display of dislike (barking, growling, disobedience) toward the offensive males, but be excessively loving toward your Mom. Do not cross the boundaries and bite the enemy, just be very loud. Peeing in his shoes is a good tactic, and why not poo on his favorite clothes too.

Lick every nerd that comes her way. Approach a guy that smells friendly and lick him. Maybe your Mom gets the message. I am worried about you and your Mom.

Aunt Loba

Dear Aunt Loba, My Wife does not Understand Me.

I am married to a good looking mixed breed, although I myself, is of the finest pedigree. My wife is very smart and she wants to have freedom and her own career, but that leaves me without support in my security business.

When I come home tired, she is not there to groom me and serve me food. She does not keep house very well, instead she roams around and gives free advice to whoever listens. Can you tell her to focus on me and…

Stop!

Zorro! I know this is you. I supported you my entire life on Earth and I am still here with you in Doggy Heaven. Just not all the time.

Loba

Dear Aunt Loba, I am good looking…

I am a pretty good looking gal, and I have many admirers. I get lots of letters from males that are deeply in love with me. “I love you, hugs and kisses”, “Marry Me, please”, “Love you forever darling,” etc…

I live with a good family, but it’s a bit boring at times; you know, pee, eat, walk, poop, sleep, pee, sleep, walk, eat, pee and poop and sleep until next day. I have the occasional play day at the park and a few trips out, but the thing is; I am young with needs.

There are some incredibly handsome males around here that want to marry me and I am sure it is true love that will last forever. What should I do? Should I stay with my family or should I elope with one (or several) of my heartthrobs? They say they will take care of me, forever.

Good Looking

Dear Good Looking,

You are on heat and you need to get spayed. The males will disappear as soon as you are not hot any more.

Aunt Loba

Dear Aunt Loba, I want out.

I am a young lady in my first heat. I live with a good family, but they just do not understand me. I like to go out and meet boys without being on the leash, but they don’t let me go anywhere on my own! I just want to have some fun, what is the harm in that? I am getting desperate, I want out, I must get away!

The worst thing is that yesterday I overheard them saying that I should get fixed asap. Dear Aunt Loba, time is short, I am thinking about escaping tonight. Should I go for it?

Hot and Desperate

Dear Hot and Desperate,

I somewhat sympathize with your dilemma; I was myself spayed at an early age and never had puppies. My dear adopted son Flurry has been good company though.

You say there is no harm in having fun with the boys when you are on heat. That is plainly wrong, you will get pregnant and you need to think if you really want to have puppies on your own, the father will almost certainly not be around. Do you intend to go back to your family after your fling? Will you even find the way back? Do you have resources to raise your pups to adulthood, or will they suffer and maybe die?

This is your decision; all I can say is that the feeling of desperation will soon go away, and you will forget all about meeting boys and start playing fetch again. Especially if you get spayed.

Good Luck

Aunt Loba

Aunt Loba’s Advice

Dear Aunt Loba,

I live on the streets on Earth, and I have a boyfriend. We once had a litter, but he did not help me at all looking after the little ones. Instead, he went to live with a girlfriend, she is a real b….. She threw him out for food stealing and fortunately, he is back with me. My boyfriend says he has changed, and he would like to have another litter, but I am not sure, do you think I can trust him? He is so handsome, and I like him to stay around.

Uncertain and confused

Dear uncertain and confused,

The answer is clear and easy. No, you cannot trust your boyfriend, and I am at a loss to understand what is handsome about him. I suggest you take him to the vet and tell him he will get a really yummy meal if he goes inside. With any luck, they fix him.

PS. You should try to team up with his ex-girlfriend instead.

Aunt Loba