Cash (or tin) flow has become a problem again, so some of the dogs that bought tin bonds want to cash them out. They paid 2 tins and were promised 10 later.
“I am afraid the tin bonds are only worth half a tin now,” said Cash (the economist dog). “Tin production has not been what was expected. I don’t understand why.”
Maybe because no one actually have been producing dog food in tins, they did not multiply. The money instead went into spa sessions and other transitory luxuries. That is my thought, but I never went to economy school like Cash, so I may be wrong.
But the bond scheme did take tins from savers and put them into the dog economy. Genius, in a way, just not for the savers.
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Zorro has hired Cash to be his financial advisor. Zorro wants to be as rich as Toff! Or preferably, richer.
“It is easy,” explained Cash. “You buy shares when the price is low, wait for the value to go up and then you sell. Can’t fail. That will be 5 tins please, payment due on demand.”
“But wait a minute, can the shares go down in value?” I asked. “Then you lose money.”
“Just don’t buy any that will go down and shares mostly go up,” said Cash, “don’t worry. And if you want to be really rich, you borrow money at low interest and buy shares that goes up fast. It is called leveraging. The more you invest, the richer you get.”
Zorro looked starstruck, but I did not know what to think. Surely you can’t make money by borrowing money. What about work?
“Work does not pay,” said Cash. “That is a misconception, investing pays.”
I was still not convinced, and I could see I was annoying Cash with all my questions. “All right,” said Cash, “nothing is completely safe. What do you want, to get rich quick buying risky shares or have a lower return from safer shares?
“I want safe shares that gives a high return,” I answered. Cash looked bewildered.
Loba ran into Snowflake, the new patrol dog at Trust in Toff (TiT). They had plenty to share. A lot is the same, a lot has changed since Loba’s time.
Still, management has no clue or interest in the actual execution of real security services in the security company. “We have 5 managers for every employee, and I am the only one doing security patrol,” Snowflake explained. “Managers focus on their image, licking each other butts (literally), and their bonus system, which called Top Hat.”
What is better than before is that Snowflake is actually paid, and he works to a schedule with every other night off. He also has a lot of safety gear. Loba is impressed with Snowflake, “he knows his job,” she says.
“I had a lot of practice on Earth,” Snowflake explained. “I stayed behind with the security staff when my family travelled. I did thousands of patrols around my owner’s house on Earth.”
“Rates are very interesting,” says Cash. He should know, he has been to economy school, they learned a lot about interesting rates there. When rates are low, spending will be high, and that is good for the economy. Cash learned that low rates make the financial merry-go-round spin faster and everyone has jobs. On top of that, everyone can borrow a lot and buy stuff and services which will create more jobs, which will create more income!
High rates are bad, because dogs can’t borrow and spend money on bigger dog houses, better dog beds and services like personal chefs and backscratchers. Then dogs go without jobs and income.
If interesting rates are so important, it seems to me that we should just fix the rates low then. Why not make them negative? Imaging how rich we would be?
Yes, rates are interesting. Or was it interest rates? I don’t know, I did not go to economy school.
“I am going to resolve the crisis of low pay and cash flow problems,” said Cash. I am going to issue Tin Bonds. Each bond is worth 10 tins and cost 2 tins. For every bond we sell, we get an additional 8 tins!”
“It is genius, I am a genius!”
The dogs ran to their stacks of savings to buy the good value bonds and so the price of the bonds quickly increased, first to 3 tins, an hour later to 4 tins, and then to 5, 6, and 7 tins!
“We are in business again,” howled Cash. “Because I am such a genius, I am sure you all agree I can have a bonus of 30% of the incoming tins. The rest will go out in the economy to pay all the outstanding salaries. Everyone wins.”
All the dogs danced and cheered for Cash. The dogs that bought the bonds made huge profits, (especially the early investors) and most dogs got a promised pay increase. The new tins in circulation taken from savings paid the outstanding salaries. The economy is good!
Dear Diary, I must be stupid, but I wonder where those tins promised in the bonds came from? What am I not getting?
Goldie, the retired HR manager is active in the Climate Change movement and has organized a protest. She is good at motivating dogs, so there is a big crowd.
“We Want Climate Change,” they shouted, and Goldie egged them on with a megaphone in her paw. “What Do We Want,” she barked. “We Want Global Warming,” the crowd yelled loudly, “We Want Global Warming, We Want Climate Change”. The racket went on for about 10 minutes until a Whippet whispered something into Goldie’s ear.
Goldie started shouting again: “We are against Climate Change, Stop Global Warming!”
The crowd responded, “We Are Against Climate Change, Stop Global Warming! We Are Against Climate Change, Stop Global Warming!”
I don’t like noise, so I was glad when they moved on.
Business is booming in Doggy Heaven, it is easy to get a job, everyone is short on staff. There are openings for: shaped dog treat baker, artistic claw painter, numerous positions in dog massage spas, someone is looking for a portrait sculptor, bed fluffer, mood booster (sorry Positron took that one), plenty of opportunities as image consultants, confidence builders, yoga dogs, moon howlers, and the list goes on.
“You see,” said Cash proudly, “now the dogs are spending and not saving, the economy is booming!”
“We need to stimulate spending,” said Cash the other day. He should know, he has a degree in Economy.
“It works like this, if dog A buys something, goods or a service, dog B gets paid. Then dog B spends the money and dog C gets an income. And so, it goes until someone pays it all back to dog A! Everyone wins!”
“It really gets good when we spend fast and hard. Think how of much money you can make if you sell more and more, faster and faster! Just make sure to circulate the money and spend as much as you can. Money in the bank is for losers, you have to spend, spend, spend.”
Some old lady has died on Earth and Zorro is all in a twist. “We need parades, committees, a general clean up and proper procedures,” he said. He then put on his medals, dressed up in a tartan sash and paraded up and down the park. “I have always served my Earthly masters,” he explained to Loba and myself. “It is the highest duty for a dog, even if you two won’t understand.”
The pedigree club also had a parade, the Corgis were dressed in black and went first. Zorro was not allowed to join their parade. Some Cavalier King Charles Spaniels told him to go away.
“Nobodies,” said Zorro and shook his medals so they clanged together.