Layoffs

Thee are mass layoffs at Tit’s. “We need to refocus and go back yo our core business,” said Cash is a press release. “We are releasing some of our less productive staff.”

All the new hire’s offers got rescinded. Streamer, the new recruiter also had to go, he had only worked two weeks for Tits. “Does this company have any planning?” Streamer barked angrily. “I gave up a good job at Doogle to come to Tits!” Streamer did not get an answer.

They got rid of the mood manager, Positron. She was told she had failed in her efforts to keep the dogs at Tits happy. She got very depressed when she heard that.

They also fired any dog that ever had beaten Cash in frisbee.

Loba wonders what will happen to Snowflake?

Recruiting Campaign

I heard that Trust in Toff (TiT) is recruiting. “All important companies have recruitment campaigns to attract the best and the brightest,” said Goldie. “TiT needs the best more than ever, the future is bright at Tits.”

I thought that they had financial problems and maybe should think about reducing staff?

Loba got approached by a head hunter. “The job is security patrol,” said the head hunter, a previously pampered pooch called Streamer. “Do you think you can handle this?”

Loba asked if it would involve night work. Streamer did not know, but did not think so. “Who would do that,” said Streamer. “Well, not me,” said Loba, “I am not interested.” Streamer pleaded with her, talked about benefits and a long term rewarding career at TiT’s, but Loba politely declined.

In the end we heard they recruited a Poodle called Snowflake. He had worked for some famous politician at Earth. “At least he has experience with slimeballs,” said Loba.

Cash Flow

Despite massive spending on executives at Trust in Toff (TiT), money is not trickling down to the common dogs, and no new clients have signed up for security services. The power dogs just put the money in the stock market and swapped properties with other power dogs, every time driving up the price on the same house to astronomical levels without building new houses.

“I have so much money, it does not matter what I pay for a house,” said the Chief Strategist, “I just pay anything the markets asks.”

Middle Management borrow money and also buy big houses, because interest rates are almost nothing.

“If I want a house, I pay for it,” said the Manager of Climate Change, “one, two or three hundred thousand more, what does it matter, I just borrow at interest rates below inflation. In fact, the more borrow, the more I win. Why compromise on size and location when the government is giving me free money?”

“But are you nor worried that you lose your job or that interest rates go up in the future?” I asked, “after all, your loans are massive.”

“We are not worried,” said the middle managers in unison,” Cash says they will never increase interest rates because that will spark a recession. And Cash knows these things, he is an economist!”

As the rich dogs have everything else already, they are only investing in assets and not consumer goods, and their huge compensation packages are not trickling down.

Goldie Resigns

Today, I read on Instadog that Goldie has resigned from TiT. She will get her Golden Parachute and keep all bonuses and the luxury private residence she purchased for Tit’s money as a perk. She will have a company car, security, a private chef, house cleaner and gardener for life. To be fiscally responsible, Cash made her give up the private jet.

Goldie says she does not believe in big business anymore, all she wants is to live a quiet life in nature and to meditate all day. “Wealth is nothing,” she said on Nosebook as she was being groomed. “Tins of dog food does not make you happy, it makes you fat!” She reached for another slice of bacon that a servant dog held up to her. “I might go into the self-improvement business; I like helping dogs.”

“While I connect to my inner self, please think optimistically about the environment,” she said, “Namaste.”

And Goldie bowed.

Mood Manager

Everybody is down and depressed at Tit’s due to the bad economy, but Goldie has the solution: She has employed a Mood Manager!

No more negative talk is allowed, no-one can say empty bowl, but must say that the bowl is opened to be filled with yummy treats, says Goldie.

The mood manager (a Golden Doodle named Positron) got all the dogs together and called for communal tail wagging. “Start wagging, life is fun, challenges are development opportunities, hunger is character building, and we will soon find some government money to bail us out anyway”, she barked. “Wag left, wag right, that’s right, faster and faster, wag, wag, wag!”

The tailless dogs walked out. “Not funny at all, totally insensitive to bodily difference,” they said. I agreed.

The tail complete dogs kept on wagging to Positrons directions. It did not change the balance sheet or the mood.

TiT Reduction

“TiT’s has been inflated to fake grandiosity,” Toff howled so half of Doggy Heaven could hear. “TiT is bleeding, we have to make a surgical reduction and cut away the filler,” he continued, aggrieved, “or my TiT will go under.”

At that point all the staff assured that they were essential to the well-being of TiT and not redundant fillers. Cash decided to cut the renumeration to all staff, (except himself and Goldie), with 25%, until they could decide on redundancies.

The staff grumbled, “it was better under Zorro, we had ergonomic chairs and spa sessions,” said the Equity and Fairness assistant.

“We had free snacks and yoga breaks,” said the Climate Change administrator.

“We had weekly parties and free drink,” said the Health and Safety Enforcer.

“We did not have to work, and we got paid more,” said the Continuous Education Registrar.

“I am not sure I can take this,” said the Human Resource Recruiter, “I might quit.”

Everyone agreed that the conditions at TiT’s now were too harsh. “What’s next,” said the Safe Coffee Cup overseer, “will they ask us to do patrol work? No way, I can do that, it would make me uncomfortable.”

“No way, we can do that, it would make us uncomfortable,” the employees said in unison.

Troubles at TiT’s

For a while, Toff just followed Goldie’s and Cash’s advice of optimism and record profits in the future, and he paid the outgoings from his mountain of dog food tins. There were name launching parties, stock profit celebrations, futures extravaganzas and love yourself sessions.

Loba went to another Coyote karaoke, she brought Zorro too. They came back late, laughing and high fiving, probably drunk. I don’t think karaoke is that fun.

Then the thefts started. Trust in Toff’s (TiT’s) clients complained more and more, and Toff discovered that there was no one in the company assigned to safety patrol! “What do you think you are doing,” he barked at Goldie and Cash.

“Professional business management,” they answered in unison.

Zorro is Fired

Toff and Zorro have been bickering all the time and on Toff’s suggestion, the shareholders took a vote on ousting Zorro from the board; Cash and Goldie voted with Toff, and they got 51%. Zorro is no longer in charge of the company he founded!

Zorro said they could get rid of him totally if they bought him out, which they immediately did. Then they patted him on the back and told him to not take it personally. Zorro looked sad and crestfallen.

Goldie made press releases about the changes and posted on Instadog, Bark, Pawlink and Nosebook “that the company (TiT) was moving in new and exciting directions with a modern and forward-thinking board. Unfortunately, old Zorro was unable to adapt to the changes and has elected to resign. We wish Zorro all the best in his retirement which will allow time for his hobby of bee keeping.”

“Bee-keeping?” I asked Zorro, “is that what you intend to do? Are you not angry about being ousted from your own company?”

“Don’t worry,” said Zorro, “I have this. Toff has just bought a company with only outgoings and massive liabilities in pension funds. I am walking away with massive amounts of tins of food. I am taking Loba and you with me and remember, Loba was the only one doing patrol work and you the only one keeping accounts. I pretended to give up and retire so they would be unguarded. I even got the name Zorro’s Zecurity back and my original company is completely intact and richer than ever.”

Zorro, Loba and I raised our champagne glasses in a cheer. “Good luck Toff in TiT!”

Trust in Toff

As predicted, Toff is causing all sorts of grief for Zorro. The investment is being used to pay for company cars for the entire board, except for Zorro, he was already given his old Mustang back in the deal. The outstanding staff salaries and debts to contractors and suppliers are not being addressed. Goldie and Cash are postponing the payments, against Zorro’s objections.

“There is no hurry, we are predicting huge future earnings,” said Cash.

“Don’t worry about losses now, think positively,” said Goldie.

To show that the company has a new start, Toff wants to change the name of the company to “Trust in Toff” (TiT)!

Zorro protested vigorously, and it came to a vote by the shareholders. It turns out that Goldie and Cash had awarded themselves 1.5% of the company each, “for facilitating the refinancing”. So, they have 3% and Toff has 48% and they voted together against Zorro’s 49%.

Zorro’s Zecurity is gone, welcome to Trust in Toff (TiT).

Reflections on Society

Dear Diary, I have always been reflecting about life and here are some of my observations:

Society is very badly organized. First, the puppy’s play. Then, we tell them to sit still in school. Then, we tell them to exercise more.

Then, as adult dogs we have to work, often long hours and commute too. Even when you have puppies you have to leave them with minimal supervision to go to work! Then, society wonders why the puppies are misbehaving.

Then, when the puppies are grown up, you are told your job is needed for younger dogs. This happens when you are really good at your job and you have given up on all your dreams about climbing mountains, sailing around the world, or being a rock star. You are just too old for that, but a desk job would be really interesting.

So, from working 24/7, 365 days a year with minimal sleep, there is now more free time than you can deal with. Your grand puppies are far away because you moved too many times to keep up with your job that you just have been early retired from.

And the circle starts again.

It is so stupid.