Tired this morning, but no need to clean dishes, it is all well licked.
Zorro has an itch. He thinks it can be an allergy he picked up after delivering the party trash to the dump. He is quite whiny. Loba told him to go to the Vet but Zorro does not want to, he is sure he will be fine soon. Loba and I have been massaging him and trying to keep him comfortable. Loba says he is a big baby and calls him povrecito Zorrito. It means poor little Zorro in Spanish.
I think I have an itch too. It is not that bad, but…. I saw Loba scratching as well.
We have decided to have a dinner party for our friends. Loba and I will prepare the food because there was a disaster when Zorro prepared the food last time; all the bacon disappeared and now Loba does not allow Zorro to get near the kitchen.
This is the menu: For starter, sardines in olive oil topped by bacon bits, main course will be bacon wrapped steak and for dessert, bone filled with marrow and bacon.
You cannot go wrong with bacon, says Loba.
When the dogs arrived, we went straight to the food and Loba and I got a lot of compliments. After dessert, Zorro and the Howlers played, and all the dogs rocked to the wee hours. When we sang Bad to the Bone, we threw bones to everyone. (Zorro had licked them clean first). We had a howl-along at the moon, we scratched each other’s backs and fell asleep all in a big pile. I will now join the zzzzzs, good night Diary.
Dear Dairy, another fun day with the Gardening Club. Today we focused on digging up the bones we planted a while ago. I got most of mine back, Uncle Zorro had a huge pile. He says I can have some of his, they are the biggest and juiciest. My bones are good, but a little dry. Aunt Loba says that next time, I should bury them deeper.
An Enthusiastic Terrier
The Terriers got carried away as usual, they just kept on digging, long after all the bones were harvested. We had piles of dirt everywhere. After harvesting we had a dinner with Dr. Goldie who spoke on the topic of “Positive Gardening.”
Loba asked if she knew anything about gardening, she said not really, but she knew a lot about being positive because she is a Golden Retriever. Positivity is a concept that can be applied universally.
“Approach every task and creature with a positive attitude. Dig, dig, dig, how fun it is to be a positive gardener! Dig up the tulips, the roses, the dahlias and the peas, fun, fun, fun. Love all creatures, love your owners, love the mailman, love your fellow dogs, love the cats, the foxes and hamsters. Lick, lick, lick, give everyone a lick that you meet, hug, hug, hug. Now everyone turn to your right, lick who is next to you, then turn to your left, hug who is next to you, do it.”
Fortunately I had Loba to the right and Zorro to the left, so it was no problem for me, Zorro had to hug a Chihuahua, he was okay with that, but Loba had to lick a Bulldog, but she got through it. She whispered to me that the Bulldog was an overenthusiastic hugger.
“Positivity gives you advantages, people love you, they pet you, give you treats and tummy rubs, all day long. Just go up to a person and put your head in their lap and all good things will happen, guaranteed! If you snarl, you trigger bad vibes, you can get kicked and you will definitely be restrained. It is simple, Positive is Power.” Then she made us recite Positive Power 5 times in unison.
I think it is an interesting concept, but Loba said it was typically Golden Retriever talk, that it works for them and Labradors, but not so well for street dogs. Zorro whispered to me that the only true power is biting power.
Somebody asked how to deal with people frightened of dogs, but Dr. Goldie did not understand the question. A German Shepherd wondered if a working dog would not get the same advantages by working? Goldie said no, it is not what you do, humans do not understand results, it is how you are perceived. Then she asked for her payment in bacon, lots of it.
I am a little concerned about being positive toward cats, it did not work for me on Earth, but maybe it was an exception? I will consider being more positive in the future, I am trying to be a good dog.
Another day of harassment from Zorro over varmints in Master’s garden. Like I can do anything, I am dead. DEAD.
This time it was a rabbit on the front lawn. He can see them from Heaven. “Can you explain how rabbits are allowed to live in Master’s yard?”
Well, when I was alive, did not invite them. Why ask me? In fact, Mom fed the rabbit carrots.
Then Rocky chimed in “And squirrels, when I came to live with Flurry during the flood, the garden was inundated by squirrels! I had to work 24/7 chasing squirrels – and that with my three legs! I am afraid Flurry was useless, just slept on the doormat, taking no notice.”
I am tired and upset by these insinuations. What the dogs here do not understand is that I was a pet. My job was to look cute and cuddle with my family. And Rocky should shut up (but I did not tell him that), he enjoyed chasing squirrels, he had a great time threatening little critters that posed no danger to him.
I have made a welfare check on Misty but there is no change in her situation and it prompted me to write another letter:
Atrocities, I need to draw your attention again to the huge suffering on Earth by the dog Misty, forced to live with 6 cats. Misty is surrounded by evilness and cat poop. The cats have to be removed immediately.
As the previous letter had no effect, I added a threat: You are being watched by all the dogs in Heaven.
Der Dairy, have I told you that Zorro is running a debating club in Doggy Heaven? He is a natural leader! Zorro says there are many responsibilities for a top dog like him, and he likes to hear from all audiences. The debates are usually between the pedigree dogs and the mixed breeds, but there are other groupings as well. For example, the working dog group against the hounds, the sporting dogs against the non-sporting etc.
Zorro is usually agreeing with the pedigree dogs, he insists that he is of Royal Scottish Guard breed. Well, Zorro is good looking, but I have never met another dog of this rare breed.
Today there was a debate between Zorro and Bernie (St Bernard, a working dog) on the topic: What is better: sardines or bacon?
Zorro argued that bacon indeed smells and tastes deliciously but cannot beat sardines! And sardines are healthy, while bacon gives you blocked arteries, so sardines are better.
Bernie argued that dogs do not know anything about arteries and the debate is really about taste and bacon simply tastes better.
Dr. Goldie asked to speak, and she said that bacon is good for the soul. Then someone barked that sardines are good for your fur. Lucy, the mediator (a Sky terrier) lost control over the audience and uncontrolled yapping broke out. The crowd separated in a sardine and a bacon side, I stood cautiously in the middle. It started to look ugly when Loba intervened and suggested that bacon wrapped sardines was the best and why don’t we all try it out? So, we all got to the canteen and ordered some up and everyone agreed with Loba.
Dr. Goldie ate more than everyone else, then she puked. “I have a sensitive stomach, she said.
People on Earth say that the World has gone to the dogs, but we do not agree. The people are not going with enough food to the dogs!
Aunt Loba and Uncle Zorro are concerned about their old friends in South America and are collecting donations and sending food parcels. They are getting a lot of bags of dry dog food which all dogs are generously donating.
Before Loba packs the food, Zorro goes through the donations and removes everything that is perishable. He licks the food to make sure it is tasty. The charity is called Licks of Love.
The dry dog food is very nourishing for dogs in need. It feels good to do good.
This week, I talked to Dr. Goldie about my fear of cats. She told me it is all in my head, cats are not a danger to dogs, and in fact, many cats and dogs are great friends!
I told her about the cat that ate my food and she advised me to be more assertive. “It is easy,” she said, “you approach the cat with determined steps and a stern expression, and it will go away, guaranteed. If necessary, you can give a sharp bark, and its done.”
I tried to say it was easy for her, because she is bigger than the cat, but she would not agree. “There are plenty of Yorkshire terriers and Chihuahua’s that can frighten away cats. The fear is all in your head, think positively, be confident and you can do it.”
Trying to look more assertive.
I guess, maybe … but I am not so sure a cat would move if I approached. I guess her talk was meant to make me feel safe around cats, but it only made me feel … like a failure.
Then she asked if I was not glad to share my food with a homeless cat? She said I would be happier if I was more generous to the needy and that I must stop focusing on myself. Dr. Goldie suggested that I volunteer in a homeless animal shelter to see how the less fortunate live, but I pointed out that we are in Heaven and no one is homeless. (I also do not think Uncle Zorro would share his food bowl with a cat, even a homeless cat, but I did not say that.)
Before leaving, Dr. Goldie told me she was a motivational speaker and she would love to talk about “Positive Thinking” at the Gardening Club. She asked me to recommend her to the board, her fee is payable in bacon. She also asked if I had any bacon to share, which I did not.
I wonder why she does not go to the food store and get some bacon, it is free in Doggy Heaven?
Mom and Dad had a raccoon in their garden today. Uncle Zorro and Rocky are discussing what they call “the situation”. Rocky insists that it is my fault, he kept the garden varmint free when he lived there temporarily, but apparently, I did nothing to help. They are blaming me for a raccoon when I am dead?
Anyway, if you want pest control, get a dog, or call the bug guy, if you want company, get a pet.
Angel Dog Diary 