Author: Flurry

Looking for Likes

The first day Loba posted her glamour picture, she got three likes. One from me, one from Zorro and one from old aunt Kara.

Then Zorro told our friends to like her post and she got 12 more. “Not enough,” said Zorro, “I will fix this.”

Next day she had 25 000 followers and 20 000 likes! Wow, Loba is admired! This is outstanding!

Loba asked Zorro how he did it. “You know,” he said, ” the right exposure is important.”

“And the right bot,” said Loba.

“That too counts,” answered Zorro smugly. “They all do it, even the famous Top Doggers.”

Loba is an Influencer

Zorro says that Loba’s advice column is old school and that she should be an influencer instead. All they have to do is to take photos when they lazy around and eat food. Then companies give them free stuff.

Zorro told Loba to sunbath on a pretty blanket with cucumbers over her eyes. He placed a drink with an umbrella next to her, took a photo and posted it on instadog. Then he ate the cucumbers.

We are waiting for followers, that is what influencers do, he said.

I don’t understand anything.

Dear Aunt Loba, My Human is in Trouble

Dear Aunt Loba, I am worried about my human Mom. I am always at her side doing everything I can for her, but she seems to want more. I am talking about boyfriends.

Well, it would be nice to have an extra human in our pack, but not just any human. She goes for guys that beat her up. I do not understand. I try to warn her, that he treats her badly, it is obvious. She does not listen, just asks me to stop barking, even tells me off when I defend her.

Why does she choose menacing guys? How can I protect her? How can I tell her to get a nerd?

Distressed and Scared

Dear Distressed and Scared,

Sometimes human females admire aggressive and narcissistic behaviour in men, thinking that they will be protected and gain in status as girlfriends. But the opposite happens, these men are abusive. All the guy have to say is “I love you” or “you are my baby” or something like that and her mind goes stupid.

Your Mom’s bad decisions are your reality too. I suggest you continue your display of dislike (barking, growling, disobedience) toward the offensive males, but be excessively loving toward your Mom. Do not cross the boundaries and bite the enemy, just be very loud. Peeing in his shoes is a good tactic, and why not poo on his favorite clothes too.

Lick every nerd that comes her way. Approach a guy that smells friendly and lick him. Maybe your Mom gets the message. I am worried about you and your Mom.

Aunt Loba

Zorro does a Survey

Zorro is worrying about the high turnover of employees in Zorro’s Zecurity, so he is doing a survey about work satisfaction.

“It is completely anonymous,” Zorro says. He gave me, Loba and the Chihuahua a sheet of questions to answer.

1. Do you feel Zorro’s Zecurity is a good place to work?

a) yes b) could not ask for better c) it is an awesome workplace

2. Is Zorro a fair and understanding boss?

a) yes b) I adore him c) very

3. Are the pay and benefits at Zorro’s Zecurity enough?

a) yes b) more than enough c) absolutely

4. Tell me in your own words about anything the management can improve at the company: (3 letters left).

Dear Aunt Loba, My Wife does not Understand Me.

I am married to a good looking mixed breed, although I myself, is of the finest pedigree. My wife is very smart and she wants to have freedom and her own career, but that leaves me without support in my security business.

When I come home tired, she is not there to groom me and serve me food. She does not keep house very well, instead she roams around and gives free advice to whoever listens. Can you tell her to focus on me and…

Stop!

Zorro! I know this is you. I supported you my entire life on Earth and I am still here with you in Doggy Heaven. Just not all the time.

Loba

Zorro is Looking for Staff

Zorro is interviewing for Loba’s position at Zorro’s Zecurity. There are two applicants; an Irish Wolfhound and a Chihuahua.

The Chihuahua has no experience, but she said she always wanted to be a guard dog and she was very keen.

The Irish Wolfhound has an impressive resume from being a guard dog at a Scottish manor on Earth. Zorro asked if he had outside the fence experience and he said no, but he could probably get over most fences and he said that all critters were frightened of him.

Zorro thought he was arrogant. “I don’t know what it is, but I get the feeling he is not loyal,” Zorro said. “What is an Irish Wolfhound doing in Scotland anyway? He should have served his Irish master.” Then Zorro said he favored the Chihuahua. “She is lively and attentive, I think she will do good.”

“How will she get over the fence,” asked Loba.

“She will get UNDER the fence,” answered Zorro.

Dear Aunt Loba, I am good looking…

I am a pretty good looking gal, and I have many admirers. I get lots of letters from males that are deeply in love with me. “I love you, hugs and kisses”, “Marry Me, please”, “Love you forever darling,” etc…

I live with a good family, but it’s a bit boring at times; you know, pee, eat, walk, poop, sleep, pee, sleep, walk, eat, pee and poop and sleep until next day. I have the occasional play day at the park and a few trips out, but the thing is; I am young with needs.

There are some incredibly handsome males around here that want to marry me and I am sure it is true love that will last forever. What should I do? Should I stay with my family or should I elope with one (or several) of my heartthrobs? They say they will take care of me, forever.

Good Looking

Dear Good Looking,

You are on heat and you need to get spayed. The males will disappear as soon as you are not hot any more.

Aunt Loba