Zorro has an old and well-thumbed magazine called “Miss Chihuahua”. It is full of pictures of Chihuahua girls. “Give it back to me” he snapped when I looked through the pages.
“What’s interesting with this” I asked him, but he just muttered that I could never understand because of my unfortunate fate.
Understand what? Chihuahua girls, yappy, I say, happier without them.
“Don’t tell Loba,” Zorro said.
Like she would be interested in mini dogs that can’t go roaming with her. Zorro is just weird.
Dear Diary, I have a feeling Toff is going to be a problem in Doggy Heaven. Toff says he is an unusually excellent dog that used to live in No Joke. Zorro is not sure, but he thinks it is an important place on Earth. Toff and his pack are claiming all the best toys and sleeping places and they are always at the spa. Loba calls the followers the Toffees because they are sticking to Toff’s behind. They have still not received any tins of dog food from him.
“Toff is not a Royal Scottish Guard dog, like me,” says Zorro. “In fact, I have heard that his pedigree is shady. If we were not in Doggy Heaven, I would challenge him to a dog fight, then we would find out who is top dog! I heard that Toff never fought on Earth because of an ingrown claw, his Master had to defend him.” And then Zorro laughed and laughed, very loudly.
Loba is in a bad mood because a Toffee took her spot at the spa.
Small dogs yap so people don’t step on them. Big dogs don’t need to yap.
Don’t call me yappy when you almost step on me.
Thank You
Flurry D. Dog, a Miniature Poodle
Zorro is a very brave dog. You may call him crazy. Zorro never backs down for anything. The wolfs in Heaven treat Zorro with respect, he was that brave on Earth.
“Guard service,” says Zorro. “That is my job, to be a guard dog. From the Royal Guards of Scotland”.
That is when it gets weird. Loba looks away and she has whispered to me that Zorro has never been to Scotland.
Dear Daiary, the Cocker Spaniel girls are crazy! A whole pack approached me today and asked if I wanted to go clouding with them. It was embarrassing, I did not know what that was. “Come on Flurry, pleeease,” they giggled, “we show you,” and then they giggled more. Aunt Loba and Uncle Zorro looked at each other for a while and then nodded at me encouragingly. I had to go.
When you are clouding, you catch a passing little cloud, jump on it and kind of surf it until it disintegrates. Then you fall to the ground, but it is never far, and we can use our wings if necessary. It is quite scary but also a lot of fun. The first time, I jumped too hard and fell right through the cloud. The girls giggled and showed me how to slide onto the cloud and then move the legs around to keep the cloud speeding forward. I soon got the hang of it and it was so fun, and the cocker girls and I kept on clouding for hours. We laughed and laughed. Best day for a long time!
I don’t think I played much on Earth, especially not with dogs. Cocker Spaniel girls, where were you on Earth?
I’m in Heaven….do do da, la la la…
Dare Dary, what a day!
Zorro and the Howlers had a rock concert in the park today and it was a success! A huge crowd came, rocking and howling from the afternoon into the night. We opened lightly with How much is that doggy in the window, followed by Me and You and a dog named Boo on Loba’s suggestion. (She said something about having a hit with it on Earth.)
When we played the Angel Dog song, the whole crowd joined in the chorus and all the dogs hugged each other and held up candles for their missing Earth people, it was beautiful. When Zorro sang Bad to the bone, some teenage Chihuahuas fainted, they seem a little emotional. The crowds were cheering, it was an exhilarating evening, I am all worked up.
It is exhausting to play rock, but I am finally getting some respect from other dogs. I even had to write autographs to a pack of young Cocker Spaniel girls. They giggled about Cockapoos, but I did not see any, so I am not sure what that was about.
All the Chihuahuas in Heaven want to have Zorro’s autograph, they call him “El Zorro.” As he cannot write he gives them his paw print. Loba wrote an autograph to a Coyote, it is a sort of wolf. He liked her version of Born to be wild. Then he asked her out to go howling at the moon, but she had to decline, explaining that Zorro would not allow it.
Afterwards we had pizza, drank from the water hose and now we are napping on the stage. Chihuahuas keep on stepping on me, I wish they would go away. I hear some lonely howling. Good Night.
Today, Zorro told me that if I ever must get back to Earth, he has a secret stash of food in the garden in South America I can have. He used to bury leftovers for a rainy day.
I asked Loba about it, and she whispered to me that she ate it up when Zorro was asleep.
This is something I have observed with rich individuals. First, they want to make a lot of money and generally be the best and the winners of everything. When they have it all, they look around for more, and find one thing, one only thing they do not have.
Sainthood.
Respected, but not liked they create a massive charity to gain sainthood on Earth. Like The Toff Award.
After Mjauu Too, the Heavenly Authorities have decided that the dogs need to see the cats as equals. The dogs must undergo sensitivity training toward cats by Dr. Goldie, the licensed therapy dog.
Loba asked Dr. Goldie if it would not be better if a cat did the training, but she said that no dog would listen to a cat, so she will do it. “I had lots of cat friends on Earth,” she said, “we used to play fun chasing games.”
So we had to go to the park and be trained by Dr. Goldie. This is what she said:
“This is a conversation going around all the structures. Identity and anger is on the agenda as an issue of class, spotted and breed. Cats are cats, and dogs are cats, cats are dogs and we are fusing a brighter future for a greener discussion of the spiritual world. Tolerance is a low carbon solution of a less brutal anger management and positive democracy. Impact, is what we are having on the new reality, tearing up institutionalized truths and wind power. My message to you is; make friends with a cat and definitely, stop chasing them.”
It was a powerful meeting, I felt chastised and humbled. But I am so scared of having to make friends with a cat. I am also not sure I understand everything Dr. Goldie said, but I must think positively, Positive Power.
Zorro has been doing his accounts, he sets his own pay. He has a notebook where he has written up everything he did on Earth. A tin of sardines for guard duty, meat on the bone for chasing away an intruder. He says he was underpaid on Earth for intruder chasing, Master owes him!
Loba whispered to me that Zorro can’t count or write. “What intruders?” she asked. “The mailman,” said Zorro, “came almost every day. And hundreds of little critters”. Loba had to agree.
I wonder if Zorro is jealous of Toff?
Angel Dog Diary 