Flurry

Misty on the Job

Misty is getting to know Mom and Dad and she has inspected the house and found a perfect spot to sleep in and a comfy bed. She has been given scrumptious food, sardines, pieces of chicken and even some smoked salmon.

“What’s next,” said Zorro, “caviar?”

I had to look away, caviar is nice. (I only got the cheap sort.)

Misty is glad that the family is cat free, she can eat in peace and quiet.

Dear Diary, this is kind of outrageous, Misty is allowed on the settee! This was forbidden to all previous dogs in the family; Kara, Zorro, Loba and myseIf! I can see that Mom and Dad are getting soft in their old age.

The yard is fully fenced and safe from large animals. Misty thinks it is fun to run along the fence and bark at the deer. They took off with a thunder right away and she got very excited.

Zorro got encouraged and said Misty has the right attitude about varmints, and I think he looked at me reproachingly. On Earth, I was frightened of deer, even seeing them from inside the house.

I don’t think Misty understands what damage those horns, or a kick from the hoofs can do to a little dog. I insist that it is more sensible to not confront the deer. Well, not my problem anymore, Misty can do what she wants. But Zorro should remember that my yard was not fenced! That is a big difference

A Perfect Solution!

Dear Diary,

Misty has been rescued! She has been adopted by Mom and Dad and the whole Doggy Heaven is celebrating. Loba is crying, I am crying, Aunt Kara is crying, Zorro pretends he is not crying, and everyone is hugging each other.

Misty is overjoyed and we are so happy that Mom and Dad are looked after by her! From now on, Misty will protect Dad’s vegetable garden. Zorro will send the varmint book to her; he wants a break from Earthly duties. Misty has promised me to not let any cats near the house.

We heard a weird noise from Cat Heaven and Aunt Kara said that it is the cats in Cat Heaven celebrating.

All well that ends well!

Position Available

We urgently have to find the perfect dog for Mom and Dad, and we have sent out a job advert to Earth.

Position Available: Family Dog

We are looking for a small to medium sized dog to join our family team. The perfect candidate will come with minimal shedding and a friendly disposition, eager to learn and be obedient and a team player. The duties include:

Absolute devotion and love for Mom and Dad.

Security: Alert and awake, stern warnings to all intruders.

Effective varmint patrol: must be able to keep the property clean of intruders such as foxes, deer, raccoons, squirrels and to keep coyotes at bay.

Floor cleaning: removal of all drops of food from the floor.

Bonus skills: Fetch slippers, newspapers etc.

Salary and benefits: Two to three meals a day, kibbles with sardines and soft meats, treats for special duties. Several soft beds, a warm house, a big garden and lots of walks, tummy rubs and hugs. Medical care and retirement included.

Starting date: Immediately

Inquire to Flurry D. Dog in Doggy Heaven.

Crying Wolf

We were sitting in Doggy Heaven and looking at Mom and Dad’s new property when we spotted a coyote nearby! Mom and Dad were still asleep as it was early morning. We all barked loudly: “wolf, wolf, warning wolf!”

Mom woke up and asked Dad “Did you say wolf?” Dad said no, he had not said anything about a wolf. But Mom insisted that she heard him clearly say wolf, but he denied it.

Dad then got up and went on a morning walk. After a while, he saw the coyote at a distance and manage to get a photograph with his phone which he later showed Mom.

“I clearly heard someone say wolf,” she said. “What a coincidence.”

Coincidence? Hardly. It is frustrating for us dogs in Heaven when the people do not understand that we are communicating with them.

Move-In Day

Mom and Dad has moved into their new country house. The first evening, deer came up in the garden and just stood there, probably waiting to be fed.

Zorro went berserk. “This is an outrage,” he growled and howled, “an absolute abomination. Invaders, trespassers, no good for nothing chlorophyll chewing scumdrivel!”

Loba tried to calm him down and reminded him of his high blood pressure. But Zorro could not be comforted. “I devoted my whole life to keep master’s garden free from intruding pests and look at the situation now! I die and no other dog is helping! Varmints are running all over the place. Think about master’s plants, his vegetables. I cannot bear to see it.” And he buried his eyes in his paws.

And it got worse. There came foxes, armadillos, rabbits, raccoons, all in one day! Dad was upset, the deer ate his new plants. The place is overrun by pests.

Zorro howled and whined. Loba patted him slowly.

Visit to a Dog Shelter

The search continues. Mom and Dad visited a dog shelter today. They were silent as they walked past the dogs. We followed them from Heaven in silence too. These were rather large, snarly type dogs, all of them. I was concerned, if Mom and Dad takes in such a dog, I do not think I can live with them in their afterlife. Exactly the type of dog that used to terrorize me on Earth. Even Zorro looked upset.

“I am afraid we are looking for a smaller dog,” Mom said and that was that. What a relief.

No gangster dogs in the family.

Choosing a New Pack Member

Loba made us stop moaning and make the best of the situation, so we are making new plans. If we cannot go back to Earth, we will help Mom and Dad to choose a new dog that is right for our family. We have been studying available shelter dogs all day.

Dad talks about an Australia Cattle dog; Mom talks about a Border Collie mix.

Loba seems to like most dogs. “Especially hot dogs,” said Zorro and laughed.

Zorro prefer Shepherd mixes, but when one was pictured lying on a plush settee, Zorro vetoed him. “Outrageous,” he said, “does not understand his place, a spoiled character, no doubt.” Zorro is adamant that he will always be top dog in our pack.

I do not want any bully dogs; I have a lot of anxiety around bad characters. My opinions are that Greyhounds and Afghans are aloof, German Shepherds are know-it-alls, Cocker Spaniels are suck-ups and Golden Retrievers are nice, but clueless. Other clueless breeds are Boxers, Labradors and Beagles.

Chihuahuas and Yorkshire Terriers are too tiny, Terriers in general are too hyperactive and tiring to be around. This is a general statement; I apologize to any individual who is insulted and does not fit the normal breed standard.

Poodles are pretty much balanced in my view. Interestingly, I have found that cross breeds are usually all right. “Like me and Zorro” said Loba, but she got a filthy look from Zorro, we must remember that he is a certified card-carrying Carolina Dog now.

Dear Diary, don’t tell Zorro, but I think Carolina Dog is a sort of mutt breed.

A Depressing Day

Deer Diary, we are all depressed.

Zorro chewed up his sunglasses. “I won’t be sitting poolside”, he whined. “Heaven is all right, but it is a little boring at times. Have not been in a good fight since I came here. I am not sure I am needed in Heaven, there are not even varmints. I was soo looking forward to go back to work on Earth, I have no purpose here; I need a life!”

Zorro looked really lost.

Loba and I had to cheer him up and we assured him that WE need him to look after us. For example, we don’t trust Toff to not do something nasty to us.

Loba is unpacking her bags, some old bones, rags, her best clothes, including a pink bikini for the pool, and her pink bed. “I don’t have high expectations,” she said. “I can still go roaming with Fifi.”

Maybe it is best to not move to the country on Earth after all, I don’t like wild critters, they are dangerous. In Doggy Heaven, I am safe.

But Zorro has a point, we need purpose to be happy. Some days in Doggy Heaven, there is no real reason to get up in the morning.

Back to Earth

I have been dispatched to find out from the Heavenly Authorities how, and when, we can return to Earth. I was chosen because I have an education and know the legal lingo, says Zorro.

The answer is no. NO NO NO. The road is one way, from Earth to Doggy Heaven, there is no road back. The best we can do is to apply to unite with our people when their time is ripe, and that is not yet.

We all feel down, we want to move with Mom and Dad to their new house now, we do not want to wait.

“They need protection and company” says Zorro, “I am perfect for the job. I would patrol the property and keep all intruders at bay, deer, racoons, even coyotes. I know all about varmints.”

“Mom and Dad has a very large BBQ pit in the new house,” says Loba longingly. “We could have had new food bowls on the terrace.”

I was looking forward to sleep in front of the fireplace. We are sad we can’t go back. Loba says we must look forward and we should plan to join Mom and Dad in Heaven later.

“I told you, you were crazy” said Auntie Kara. “I knew it could not be done.” Have already tried. And she sighed and looked sad.

Sometimes the pessimist is right, or we what we call pessimism is our own delusion of reality.

Planning our Return!

We are planning our return to Earth to live in Mom’s and Dad’s new house. Loba has chosen a nice spot for the new doghouse, protected from the wind, but with a good view of the BBQ and the pool. “We will have a slighter larger house to accommodate all of us,” she says. “Aunt Kara can come too.”

Auntie Kara says we are crazy and there is no going back to Earth, but we ignore her because she is old and negative. Zorro has made an inventory of the animals of the area, an awful lot of deer. “No problems,” says Zorro, “deer are a cupcake for me. I take care of Master’s garden, no deer, no raccoons, no armadillos, no rats and no thieves when I am on the job. And Loba is assisting.” He does not include me for security, but that is ok, I intend to stay mainly inside the house and return to my old job as a pet. I have noticed that there is a new doormat, which is as well, Mom and Dad threw away the old one.

Loba says she will sneak inside and sit on the couch sometimes, but I had to tell her that this is not allowed, even for me, but Loba disagrees. “I am sure Mom will let me,” she says. She talks to Mom every now and then.

We are all planning to have many BBQs in the large backyard. Zorro wants a pool party and is making a list of Chihuahuas to invite. Loba and I think it should be just us, no Chihuahuas and we have not seen any in the neighborhood anyway. But there is a cute Shi-Tzu called Milly in the next house along. I can be friends with her.

This is so exciting, can’t wait!