Tag: Social sarcasm

Doggy Dating

“Flurry, you need a girlfriend,” Zorro woke me up this morning. I told him that I was very happy living with him and Loba and Aunt Kara and I did not need a girlfriend. “Nonsense.” Zorro insisted, “I help you to get on a dating site.”

I was not enthusiastic about this, but Zorro did not listen. He told me I needed a profile. And so he dictated my profile:

Wealthy and well educated Miniature Poodle seeks petite female company for playtime at the park, romantic howls at the moon, mutual grooming and cozy napping. I am well educated and easy going.

Answer to Tempest.

“Who is Tempest?”, I asked. “It’s you,” said Zorro, “We will call you Tempest on the profile, Flurry sounds a bit weak.”

TiT Reduction

“TiT’s has been inflated to fake grandiosity,” Toff howled so half of Doggy Heaven could hear. “TiT is bleeding, we have to make a surgical reduction and cut away the filler,” he continued, aggrieved, “or my TiT will go under.”

At that point all the staff assured that they were essential to the well-being of TiT and not redundant fillers. Cash decided to cut the renumeration to all staff, (except himself and Goldie), with 25%, until they could decide on redundancies.

The staff grumbled, “it was better under Zorro, we had ergonomic chairs and spa sessions,” said the Equity and Fairness assistant.

“We had free snacks and yoga breaks,” said the Climate Change administrator.

“We had weekly parties and free drink,” said the Health and Safety Enforcer.

“We did not have to work, and we got paid more,” said the Continuous Education Registrar.

“I am not sure I can take this,” said the Human Resource Recruiter, “I might quit.”

Everyone agreed that the conditions at TiT’s now were too harsh. “What’s next,” said the Safe Coffee Cup overseer, “will they ask us to do patrol work? No way, I can do that, it would make me uncomfortable.”

“No way, we can do that, it would make us uncomfortable,” the employees said in unison.

Troubles at TiT’s

For a while, Toff just followed Goldie’s and Cash’s advice of optimism and record profits in the future, and he paid the outgoings from his mountain of dog food tins. There were name launching parties, stock profit celebrations, futures extravaganzas and love yourself sessions.

Loba went to another Coyote karaoke, she brought Zorro too. They came back late, laughing and high fiving, probably drunk. I don’t think karaoke is that fun.

Then the thefts started. Trust in Toff’s (TiT’s) clients complained more and more, and Toff discovered that there was no one in the company assigned to safety patrol! “What do you think you are doing,” he barked at Goldie and Cash.

“Professional business management,” they answered in unison.