Dare Dairy, My Earth sister Elise is now big and lives far away. She misses me so much, she has adopted a rescue dog. It is a Chihuahua mix and she is small and white (like me) with beautiful big ears. Her name is Pansy.
At first, I felt betrayed, but now its ok. I accept that Elise is missing me too much, and she needs a replacement pet.
I have a photo of Pansy next to my bed. I look at her every night before I go to sleep. She is very pretty, especially the ears.
Dear Diary, Zorro and I have been told off by the Heavenly Authorities about the climbing competition, it was considered too divisive. Maybe the Dachshund complained?
Well, well, doggy competitions are not my style, but still, it is unpleasant to be told off.
I am also wondering why they allow dog racing and betting then? Loba whispered that it is the favorite pasttime of the Authorities, but I must not speak about it in public.
Today we will have a climbing competition, just for fun. It was Loba’s idea, and Zorro volunteered to be the judge and told me to be the score keeper. That is fine with me, I was never good at climbing.
Thirteen dogs signed up. I took their names and gave them a number each. This is the list:
Zorro and I designed the course. As a qualifier we had a 3 feet plank to jump. Everybody passed with ease except Buster the Bulldog (he is quite fat) and Dixie the Dachshund. They were very frustrated about it and barked it was a climbing competition and not a jumping competition.
The qualifying dogs shook their heads and suggested they need to learn from them, train more and not be sore losers. We gave the Dixi extra points for trying so hard, but he was still furious and ran away in disgust after turning over the score board. We put the board up again.
Second obstacle was a 6 feet wire fence. The German Shepherd and the Saint Bernard did not make it and were eliminated. Dopey the Beagle chased a squirrel and missed his turn, Rocky bit Wink so we had no choice but to disqualify him for unsportsmanlike behavior. He left and said he never liked climbing anyway.
For round 3 we had a 6 feet plank with only one ledge for paw support. The long legs of the Standard Poodle really helped, but the Sheltie, the Terrier mix and the robust little Chihuahua mix got eliminated.
We were now left with the long-legged Standard Poodle Cheri, Jerry the all-rounder Weimaraner, the robust Jack Russell Terrier Fifi and our own agile “Lady” Loba for finals.
Last challenge was to climb a tree and the four dogs started at the same time, first to reach the beef jerky tied to the top would be the winner. It was a difficult challenge; the tree had no branches low down. Cheri and Jerry got no traction and dropped behind right away, while Loba and Fifi clawed into the bark and methodically inched upwards. Excitement was high, even the cats peeped over the fence from Cat Heaven. The cats cheered and jeered: “even a kitten can do that,” they screamed. In the end, Loba and Fifi were paw to paw but Loba could stretch farther than Fifi and she nabbed the jerky first!
Results:
“Females rule,” said Loba, but Zorro and I ignored it. Well, she used another word for females.
All the dogs and spectators celebrated with bacon flavored ice cream, but Dixie the Dachshund never came back. “Anger management issues”, said Dr. Goldie and shook her head.
My appointment with Dr. Goldie for self-esteem issues got cancelled today because Dr. Goldie is in hospital being treated for an eating disorder. She has an addiction to bacon.
“Incredibly sad,” says Loba who knows everything, “she has had the addiction for a while but managed to hide it. The Heavenly Authorities banned her from the free pantry a long time ago, she had to eat delivered food parcels, guaranteed to be bacon free.”
It is rumored that Dr Goldie started the therapy business in Heaven as a scheme to get access to bacon!
Recently she was running low and getting desperate. Dr. Goldie snapped a piece of comfort bacon right out of the jaw of one of her clients, a Dachshund being treated for anger issues. He got so angry he bit her on her nose until she dropped the bacon. The Dachshund left with his bacon and Goldie went to the pantry with the bleeding nose and said she needed to do a bacon wrap on it. When the care taker told her to go to the Vet instead, Goldie tried to break into the pantry, but she could not access the locked bacon cupboard and she had a barking fit and made a scene until she was carried away in an ambulance.
Loba says that Dr. Goldie got destroyed by being a therapy dog on Earth, everyone gave her bacon bits. She got addicted and Goldie believed life was simple and easy. The good news is that Goldie is reported to be doing better, she says she is positive about recent events which will bring her much needed treatment and she will be fine in no time.
I think Bilbo also has an eating disorder, you know the one that eats tennis balls and rubber bands. Or is it a lack of intelligence in his case?
Today, Zorro had a discussion with some Corgis. The Corgis claim they, and not Zorro, are Royal and that they used to protect and amuse the Queen of England that is also the Queen of Scotland.
Zorro whispered to me that the Corgis would be useless with their short legs and he does not believe a word of what they are saying. Zorro also said that he is related to the royal family, but he does not say it out loud anymore because he gets so much backlash. (I am not sure if he means he is related to the Corgis or the royal people.) Zorro says his royal ancestor chased a loose “female” onto a ship that sailed to South America, but his heart is still in Scotland. I am not following the logic here, but Zorro is very adamant, so it is probably something to his story. Best to be quiet about it, I do not want to be lashed on my back.
In the evening we had band practice with Zorro and the Howlers. The cats threw bricks at us over the wall, we are that good. Loba trained in a cool dance avoiding the bricks; she steps to the left; she steps to the right and then the howls at the cats. Royally cool!
Dear Diary, I am trying to understand wolves and this is what I conclude: Wolves and dogs are the same species, and indeed, we interbreed when we meet. But the wolves in Heaven keep to themselves in a nearby department, we do see them sometimes but overall, they are a little distant.
The interesting thought here is that on Earth, wolves are free and dogs are tied to people. The dogs that succumbed to serve and obey people have become phenomenally successful, particularly in numbers, while the wolves were almost extinct for a while.
Wolves are independent and do not take crap from people but that attitude got them into trouble. Dogs take crap, but some dogs go to spas and are really spoiled. So, I think wolves are just dogs with too much pride and as a consequence, they are not pampered.
I think Loba has got the right balance. She pretended to belong to Mom and Dad and showed them affection. She got many good meals and a nice house. But she could jump that fence anytime she liked, and she did. I think she is part wolf, after all a coyote tried to date her. Born to be wild, I guess.
I am sad to learn that nothing has been done about Misty’s situation of living with many cats. In fact, the situation is getting worse, now there are eight cats in the house. I am losing sleep over the suffering of this poor dog and I will be ghost howling all night. Beware!
Zorro introduced Balto the Alaskan Malamute and Cuddly the Cocker Spaniel as debaters, and he was mediating.
Balto: “Wolves are dogs. When I lived in Alaska, I encountered them frequently, and we spoke the same language, albeit with an accent. They ate our food, they took our females (and vice versa) and hey presto, we had half breeds. Wolves are dogs, but of a different culture.”
Cuddly: “I ask you this, do wolves serve a human master? The answer is no. The meaning of life for dogs is to serve humans, but wolves do not have the inclination, so wolves are not dogs, case closed.”
The crowd got all confused and a commotion of barking and howling broke out. If we had not been in Doggy Heaven, I think a dog fight would have ensued. Zorro decided to break up the debate and told everyone to go home.
Loba whispered to me that the debate was lacking “What about half breeds? What about dogs that bite their master, what about dogs that like to roam?” She did not want to say it out loud.
The wider issue is: should wolves be allowed into Doggy Heaven? Right now, they have their own section. I am not a racist, but I would not be comfortable with wolves running around in my neighborhood. Zorro says that he might be partly wolf so I need to be more tolerant. Loba scoffed, (she does a lot of scoffing) and pointed out that her Mom was probably Siberian Husky, and it is more likely she has wolf genetics.
What breed is Zorro? If you ask him, he says “royal ancestry” or “Royal Scottish Guard Dog”. In any case, he is a healthy and able dog. Loba says she is a street crossing and proud of her varied DNA. Then she stiffened her up-ear and drooped the down-ear and looked coy.
We dogs love people, but they are weird and not logical. For example, they get dogs to keep them company and then they go away to work and we must worry about them all day. And if we happen to pee after waiting for hours, they get angry. Even if we are as careful as can be and pee in a corner they rarely visit.
More questionable behavior: they pick up dog poop. Why? Are they trying to stay incognito? In that case, it is not helping, the more odorous pee is still on every corner. It is quite stupid.
Where does people poop go? I know they poop indoors; I can smell it. Do they really think we don’t know they are pooping behind that closed door? We dogs (housetrained) know to poop outside, I think people should do that too!
Will we dogs ever fully understand people? We try, and we forgive them their silliness, time and time again. Especially at food time.
Dear Diary, today I listened to a weird discussion: Zorro asserts that Loba was not meant to be in Heaven, but that she was sent to purgatory for constantly escaping on Earth. Zorro says she is in Doggy Heaven because she climbed over the fence from purgatory!
Loba says that Zorro is barking rubbish and insists that she was teleported directly to Doggy Heaven from Earth. She landed in a beautiful pink bed, soft and full of gifts, such as meat bones, dried fish and other doggy treats. I think it can be true because she showed me the bed.
Loba says it was Zorro that had to plead his case at the pearly gates to be allowed into Doggy Heaven. She whispered to me that he had to answer questions about jealousy and haughtiness and why he used to eat up her sardines. After a long review Zorro was allowed into Doggy Heaven only because of extraordinarily devotion to Master. That is was Loba told me, I don’t know what to believe.
Fifi and Loba say that Zorro is full of hubris and BS. I don’t know what hubris is, or purgatory. I know that BS has something to do with poop and that Loba can climb high fences, if needed.
Angel Dog Diary 