Flurry

Offsite Think Tank

Zorro talked to Goldie about the need for generating more cash and she decided to hold a think tank for the board to come up with ideas.

“We have to get away from the daily distractions,” she said, and booked a week at a hunting lodge. “We brainstorm in the mornings and hunt in the afternoons. The hunt will stimulate ideas for generating capital.”

Zorro got very excited and packed his deer stalking hat and some camo outfits. Loba could go as Zorro’s partner, as long as she kept out of the business meetings, she brought an evening dress. I was not invited, and I did not want to go after I heard Goldie muttering something about me being negative and fixated on irrelevant details. “I only want to surround myself with positivity,” I heard Goldie say.

I guess the irrelevant details are the financial accounts that are deeply in red and thus negative.

New Year’s Day Parade

The Pedigree Club held its traditional New Year’s Day Parade. Technically, Zorro was allowed to walk with the Carolina Dogs, but he was not interested. “If Loba can’t be in the parade, I won’t go either,” he said.

This year Goldie was the Parade Queen and on the big float. She sat on a raised throne bed with a crown on her head and scepter in hand, while dressed in long, golden sheets of cloth surrounded by lots of dancing Golden Retrievers. It was a spectacle to see.

Behind came Toff in his top hat, driving a black Mustang, and, and, and wait!!! “Zorrooo,” shouted Loba, “you didn’t”!

Zorro hanged his head. “Yes, I did, I had to pay salary to all the staff Goldie has hired, we are broke.”

Zorro had sold his Mustang to Toff to pay the bills at Zorro’s Zecurity. He assured Loba he would make the money back. I wonder how 2022 will go?

Christmas Party at Zorro’s Zecurity

Merry Christmas everyone!

Today we celebrated at Zorro’s Zecurity with a huge Christmas Party! No expense was spared: Zorro and Howlers band, liver pate and bacon to eat, artificial snow, dancing, games and gifts. We partied all night, it was a good time. Everyone loves Zorro’s Zecurity!

Management did a fun song changing the words from Twelve days of Christmas for Goldie to sing, it was a huge success:

On the first day of Christmas, Zorro’s Zecuritee

hired HR Goldiee,

On the second day of Christmas, Zorro’s Zecuritee

hired two salary negotiators, and

hired HR Goldiee,

On the third day of Christmas, etc….

bought three new offices, and

wrote four ethics papers, and

hired 50 new employees, and

won 6 health and safety awards, and

wrote 7 climate reports, and

had 8 team building exercises, and

gave 9 inspirational talks, and

compensated 10 senior managers, and

gave 11 huge bonuses, and

the 12th day we Celebrateee!

New Head Quarters for Zorro’s Zecurity

The company has grown so much Goldie says that Zorro’s Zecurity need to acquire new locals for the administrative staff. She settled for a new development in the center of Doggy Heaven, near all watering holes and food pantries. It has three large rooms, one is for Goldie, one is for the senior board members and the last room is for the rest. “The staff need to be close to each other in order to cooperate, communicate and exchange ideas,” explained Goldie.

In the basement, there is a gym, a spa, a grooming salon and a gaming arcade. “Young people like to game,” said Goldie, “have to keep them happy.”

I guess Zorro can use the room for the senior board? I know he does not like gaming. I will continue to keep the books from my home den.

An Award to Goldie

Everyone in Zorro’s Zecurity is cheering, the company has grown 500% and is breaking all records and Goldie has been voted Business Dog of the Year by the Pedigree Club. Her picture is on the cover of “Moments” Magazine.

Goldie is getting the coveted Toff Award of 1000 tins of Toff’s Select and she has requested bacon flavor.

I thought the award was to feed deserving street dogs, and when I objected, the Pedigree Club officials called me petty and jealous, so I shut up. “Goldie is deserving,” they said, “and she has been walking on streets, so what is your problem? Can’t you recognize greatness?”

Goldie gave a big speech and thanked first and foremost Toff, the Pedigree Club, the talented employees of Zorro’s Zecurity and the people that trusted her to lead Zorro’s Zecurity into greatness. “I remain humble,” she said at the end and everyone cheered and applauded. Then she and the Pedigree Club went off to a celebratory dinner.

Zorro was not invited.

Rave Reviews on Door Flap

Zorro’s Zecurity is now a popular company to work for and reviews on Door Flap are very positive.

“Best Company to work for, excellent snacks.”

“Management is very understanding, I have not actually turned up yet, but my boss told me it did not matter.”

“I get all the zzzz’s I need at Zorro’s Zecurity.”

“The atmosphere is so positive; we play a lot. Love the massage beds.”

Goldie is happy, “We have created a socially responsible and hip company,” she said.

I am confused, nobody is working.

“You just don’t get it,” said Goldie, we have got the company structure and culture right, it’s a huge success.

No, I don’t get it. I keep the books, and we are BROKE. Nobody seems to care.

Health and Safety at Zorro’s Zecurity

Goldie and Human Resources are working hard to set up Zorros’ Zecurity as a modern company. Today they called a meeting explaining the Health and Safety rules.

At Zorro’s Zecurity, we take Health and Safety very seriously, and the well being of our team members is a priority. The employees should at all times feel secure and comfortable and therefore we do not allow dangerous practices such as night work, or confrontation with varmints of thieves. Chasing is absolutely prohibited, so is growling and biting.

To ensure proper rest and recovery, a working shift must never be longer than 8 hours, with 4 mandatory 15 minutes breaks and a 1 hour lunch break and absolutely no weekend work. Vacation is 5 weeks, all the above is subject to management approval.

I respectfully raised my paw and asked how we would do the work as most of the security work was at night and on weekends and the point was to get rid of thieves and varmints. How would we fulfill our duties toward the paying clients?

Goldie looked at me condescendingly: “If there is security work, we get in the lowest bid contractors. Zorro’s Zecurity is not responsible for third party contractors! Health and Safety are for the employees.”

Ethics and Fairness at Zorro’s Zecurity

Goldie was inducting the new hires today and told them about the company’s ethics record and the rules on behaviour:

Zorro’s Zecurity has an unblemished record of ethical and fair activities. When you work for Zorro’s Zecurity, you can be sure to be treated fairly and equitable and with respect. We welcome and listen to your concerns and suggestions. Rudeness, bribery and intimidation of any kind are strictly forbidden and will be dealt with mercilessly. The company has never been involved in lawsuits or received any type of complaints. We support climate change and we have zero carbon paw print. We are an equal opportunity employer. You can trust Zorro’s Zecurity.

“Of course there have been no complaints, there has never been a job!” said Loba. Goldie looked irritated and told her it was beside the point and could she shut up as she had nothing sensible to contribute. The new hires were all listening intently, but Loba left. “She is not corporate material,” said Goldie, “a loose cannon and not a team player.”

Later, Zorro told me that all the new hires are neutered and obedience trained. Loba’s problem is that she did not receive the training as a pup, she was a street dog, he said.

Golden Goldie

I have to keep the books at Zorro’s Zecurity and it has not been time consuming as we do not have any jobs. But recently, this has changed with all the new hires, we have tons of outgoings for promotional material, kennel visits, and salaries to all the administrative staff.

The truth is, Zorro’s Zecurity is broke, we have no income and our supply of tins of food are almost out. I called Zorro and Goldie to a meeting, but they dismissed my concerns. “You think small,” said Goldie, “we are in a growth phase, all big companies have all this staff. Imagine the cost to the company if we are hit with a lawsuit for treating staff unfairly!”

I tried again to argue that we needed some jobs and actual workers before we needed administrative staff but Goldie was not concerned. She said I was old fashioned and did not understand the new world. She then left for her company paid daily spa session and bacon break.

Zorro was a bit nervous, after all he has to provide the resources. “I will try to find a venture capitalist,” he said rather nervously. I told him to sack Goldie, that she was reckless, irresponsible and clueless about the real work, but Zorro said he could not. “She has a very big Golden Parachute, I can’t afford to get rid of her.”

Climate Change

Goldie has called another meeting to discuss climate change. “All companies have a policy on climate change and Zorro’s Zecurity must express support for climate change”, she barked. “We must create an action plan and declare it to the world.”

“If we all play more, we will get hot and make the climate warmer,” said a Boston Terrier.

“We should snooze more and not use up so much energy,” said a Whippet, “one more hour of snoozing a day will help to reduce energy need.” A lot of dogs agreed on that plan.

“I have heard about ice ages,” said a Siberian Husky, “I am hoping it will come back, can we change the climate to ice age?”

All the Chihuahua’s got very upset, they wanted to change the climate to warmer. “We can’t survive in an ice age you selfish brute,” they yapped angrily to the Husky, “think about all the small and thinly haired dogs for once!”

“Huskies can move to Greenland,” said the Greenland Dog. We have a full ice age going on there right now. I actually don’t think we in Greenland can take any colder climate.”

Toff turned up to the meeting carried on a float by several Rottweilers. “If I don’t walk, I don’t use energy,” he declared. Everybody applauded and discussed if they can save energy by being carried. Then Toff said we must fix the climate, he had worked all his life to get rich and he did not want anything to go wrong now.

Goldie called everyone to attention. “We will make the following statement about Climate Change:”

Zorros’ Zecurity support efforts on climate change and we are taking every steps possible to leave a zero carbon paw print.

“There are no carbon in my paw prints,” said an employee proudly.

I am going home. Goldie does not even know what carbon is and still she makes statements. She also employs a climate change advisor. What about getting in some security work? Truth is, she knows nothing about that either.