Flurry

Logo Change

Goldie has decided that Zorro’s Zecurity’s problems are due to the logo. It is two black Z next to each other on an orange background.

‘”We need a modern approach, we must be greener,” said Goldie. She called all the best corporate designers to submit their suggestions. Zorro was disturbed, but he did not protest.

After a lot of discussions which Zorro was not allowed to attend, Goldie declared the winner: Six lime green lines on a white background. Apparently it was Goldie’s own design, but she still paid all the designers handsomely. She also paid herself another bonus.

Here is the result:

**Old and new logo for Zorro’s Zecurity**

The Iditarod

This week the Iditarod dog sledding race took place on Earth. This is a big event here in Doggy Heaven, everybody at Zorro’s Zecurity got the week off except for Loba. Goldie asked her to continue doing security patrols. “We don’t want another theft,” said Goldie, “it would be bad for the company and not reflect well on you.”

But Loba ignored Goldie, “I am not paid, and I am half Huskie, ” Loba told me, “I have to see the Iditarod. I also happen to know that the coyotes will also follow the race, so there will be no problems,” she added. What does that mean?

I find the race horrifying, dear diary, but I cannot admit this to the other dogs. It is a lot of snow and I lived in Canada when I was young. Snow can be fun to dig tunnels in, but then you get big lumps in your fur and under your paws, and after a while you start shivering, no thanks!

The Iditarod dogs are wild huskie types, and they are insensitive and dangerous. They run and run for hours, and then they eat some raw fish and howl and curl up to sleep in the snow. I swear I would die the first day, it is like a horror movie.

The other dogs in Heaven are keenly interested, keeping track of all the teams and betting a lot. I am afraid uncle Zorro is one of the worst gamblers. I can see that Loba is looking admiringly at the huskies, and she says she wish she was there. Her blue eye looks wilder than normal. Great Aunt Kara is very knowledgeable and comments on form and techniques and gives unsolicited tactical advice. They are so excited.

I don’t understand them.

About Interest Rates

The Financial Director at Zorro’s Zecurity, a pedigree Doberman Pinscher suitably called Cash, gave a long and learned talk in a town hall that concluded that the reason that business is slow is because of low interest rates everywhere. “The interest in business is low, because of low interest rates, it is a celestial problem,” he said. “Not our fault.”

Considering the terrible drop in the stock price, Goldie decided to double the bonuses for the top dogs. “It is more important than ever to retain top talent,” she said. “How else are we going to get out of this crisis?”

Hmm, I thought that the so-called top dogs had got us into this crisis with their expensive and impractical ideas. Goldie called me cynical.

Goldie then looked around to see if she could cut cost by getting rid of staff. First, she suggested that Loba should go, but I pointed out that she has never been paid, so that would save nothing. And then, there is that she is the only one doing any security work… although lately, Zorro himself had chipped in.

After a lot of discussion and deep thoughts, Goldie decided to get rid of the mid-morning office snack service as they never bring bacon. “That shows that management is taking some deep cuts,” she said.

New Troubles for Zorro’s Zecurity

We have had a complete change of fortune lately, every day clients are revoking their contracts with Zorro’s Zecurity on a get out clause valid within the first 30 days. The sales dogs said they had to put that in to get clients to sign up.

“How do you think you get customers for security in a safe place like Doggy Heaven? We gave the clients one tin of Toff’s Select lamb flavor for signing up for a year’s contract. They had 30 days to decide if this was working for them. If the client was not satisfied, they could get out of the contract and keep the sign-on tin. This is how we sold so much, we made it risk free for the customers!”

The sales team seemed very proud. “And we took the sign-on gift from our own bonus of 5 tins. It was our own sacrifice!”

“But Zorro’s Zecurity are losing on this deal,” I whined. We paid you 5 tins for each contract that are now being cancelled! The sales dogs said the problem was not theirs, and maybe we should have provided a better service and they pointed out the recent theft of snacks.

“The company told us to sell, sell, sell, and that is what we did. The profits for Zorro’s Zecurity are your problem, we are sales dogs!” They took their bonuses and left.

Design Team

Zorro’s Zecurity will be featured in “It’s a Dogs Business Magazine” and Goldie wants to upgrade the look of the office. “We must project a modern and relaxed atmosphere, yet being disciplined, inventive and efficient at the same time,” she said. So she brought in a design team before the photo shoot.

They threw out the individual beds and feeding platforms, and replaced them with shapeless beanbags in neon green. Feeding was to be done in communal bowls in a few pods. “We have to get rid of the image of geriatrics working at Zorros Zecurity,” explained the head designer. “In the security business, you have to signal physical strength. Ergonomic equipment is for old and tired dog.”

Loba and I took the opportunity to choose new beds from the trash pile. “Once a scavenger, always a scavenger,” said Loba. Goldie nodded in agreement and told Loba to stay away from the photo shoot. “I don’t want to be rude, but your ears are not symmetrical,” she added.

Then Goldie paid the design team, it was expensive. Loba and I took our beds from the rejection pile and went home. I took a blue one with white bones and Loba took one with pink heart patterns. We took a bed in camo for Zorro.

A Theft

A theft has happened to one of Zorro’s Zecurity clients. It was 10 bags of Heavenly Snacks that was stolen the night Loba went to sleep!

The client is very upset and is demanding compensation and the 6 tins he paid for a year of security service back. He also wants the stolen snacks recovered.

Goldie quickly got the lawyers out and pointed to page 36, section 5, paragraph 9 that said that Zorro’s Zecurity is not responsible for any theft of vandalism! Oh yes, there is such a clause, I had to put on my glasses and read it, it is in very fine print. The client said he had not read the contract and he can’t read anyway. He then got even angrier, and the lawyers told him that violence is not allowed and if he does not calm down, they make sure he gets thrown out of Doggy Heaven.

Goldie never talked to Loba about her lack of patrolling, but I heard Goldie say that Loba is unreliable, and they should put something negative in her file.

I am not sure I want to work in this company, I am only doing it for Zorro. I was so upset I took a long walk, and then I noticed a number of empty Heavenly Snacks wrappers near the coyote area.

Loba is Told Off

The company has a lot of new work and Loba has been doing all the patrolling and security for Zorro’s Zecurity by herself, and she is tired, working day and night and she has not had any time off. I am working all hours with the accounts and administrating contracts, and we never see the managers, they are always in meetings or business lunches or at corporate events.

Zorro suggested that she ask the Climate Change Assistant and the Charity Support Administrator to help out with the patrolling, and they reluctantly agreed as long it would not interfere with their scheduled spa sessions, or lunch.

Before going out to the field, the new assistant dogs were issued with company safety gear, two-way radios, night goggles and reflective vests. It was all nicely branded with Zorro’s Zecurity logos and their names. The assistants posed for photos in their cool gear and posted it on Instadog.

Loba did not say anything but she was a bit irritated because she had been doing the work all along without all this stuff. (She also did not get an ergonomic assessment and a new bed; it is only for administrators).

But before they ever went to a security site, Loba got called into Goldie’s office.

“I have received complaints,” Goldie said, “you are making the young staff uncomfortable.” Loba was perplexed, what could she possibly have done wrong?

“You are asking them to do patrol work,” clarified Goldie. “They are not here to do security work.”

Loba asked who would do all the patrolling for the new contracts. Goldie said that Loba was exaggerating her role in the company. “You need to be more respectful of others, control what you say, that sort of thing,” Goldie said.

And that was that. No one did night patrol that night, Loba respected herself, controlled her voice by not speaking, and went home to sleep.

Ergonomic Assessments

Some of the new hires have complained that sagging beds and feeding bowls in awkward positions in the office are giving them backache. Goldie decided that all office staff should undergo an ergonomic assessment.

“The well-being and health of our staff is a priority,” she declared.

Nurse Bella, a black lab, came and measured lengths of legs and backs of all the dogs and everyone got weighed. Then she made some calculations and handed out custom made beds and feeding bowls. Tall dogs, like Great Danes, had to have their bowls elevated from the ground. All beds got fitted with mattresses appropriate for each dog’s size and weight.

**Working dogs with ergonomically correct equipment**

I must say it seems very healthy, and as an extra bonus, one could choose the pattern on the beds. I like the flowers, sunshine and bone patterns, but I can’t believe the dogs that choose tiger and leopard patterns, these are dangerous cats. What are they projecting?

Lots of Work for Zorro’s Zecurity

Good news, the sales team dogs are dynamite, the contracts are rolling in! Finally, some income generating work, I am relieved. Maybe Zorro can buy back the Mustang soon?

But who is going to fulfill the contracts and do the patrolling? The administrators in HR say it is not their responsibility.

Loba volunteered that she could chip in temporarily, but she suggested she get some young trainee’s that could take over in the long run. Goldie was not too pleased, she said it would take away from the profits, “and that is what the company is about, shareholder dividends.”

I asked Zorro who the shareholders are, and he said himself, Goldie and the senior managers.

Sales Team

The offsite event was declared a huge success and the board’s conclusion was to hire a sales team to sell security services!

“A brilliant idea,” declared Goldie, “we have brilliant leaders at Zorro’s Zecurity!”

Five dogs were quickly hired: two large mixed breeds, a German Shepherd, a Jack Russel Terrier and a Bulldog.

The Terrier asked why anyone would need security in Doggy Heaven, it is completely safe here. Goldie said they need to focus on status. “Just say that anyone paying for security must be important. Sell it as a status thing. Celebrity dogs, for example, they have to keep the fans away. Explain that Lassie and Old Yeller bought the full package. If you are someone, you have to have security!”

Goldie decided to incentivize the sales dogs with bonuses. They will not have any base pay, but for every security contract they get signed, they get a bonus of 5 tins of Toff’s Select, any flavor but bacon. A year’s contract is worth 6 tins.

“Just hook the clients,” said Goldie.

The freezer at home is full of venison. Loba was the most successful hunter at the lodge.