Author: Flurry

March 11 – Diversity and Inclusion

Trust in Toff just laid off the brown and black mongrel Mixer, the Diversity and Inclusion advisor with the explanation that he was not a good representative of minorities. Mixer had lived on the streets on Earth, got himself adopted by following a nice human, and later he was successful in dog agility. Mixer had many ideas, views and opinions about dog life.

They hired a Goldendoodle called Shiner to take his place. Shiner was an obedience champion from a long line of pedigree dogs. That’s definitely some sort of minority! And obedient too.

More Theft!

Since Cowboy got into management in Trust in Toff, the thefts have increased and become bolder. Every time someone is out, the thieves are in. We live in bad times.

“It proves that our policy of increasing vigilance by employing a tough coyote, Cowboy, was the right move in these troubled times,” said Chat, the spokes dog. “We have also included cameras in our security package, every time you leave your property, Cowboy is personally notified,” said Chat. “It is a little bit more expensive for our clients, but well worth it.”

“Rest assured,” said Cowboy, “Trust in Toff security company will turn on every stone to stop the thieves. No stone will be left unturned, we will find the thieves.”

“It is like the fox guarding the chicken coop,” said Loba. She should know, she is friendly with the coyotes, they do karaoke together.

Emergency Help!

Due to several recent thefts when Snowflake was off duty, Trust in Toff ordered the Assistant to the Third Subleader of the Ergonomics Technician to patrol the neighborhood when Snowflake had scheduled time off. It’s a great beefy German Shepherd suitably called Patrol.

Snowflake was pleased at first, but unfortunately, Patrol did not work out. After the first hour (between 5 to 6 pm), he was appalled that he would have to work nights and weekends. “And alone!” he barked, “I am not doing that! Imagine if I met a thief? I am not taking this,” he howled all over Doggy Heaven. Management agreed; dangerous patrol work is not in the company values.

Patrol never returned the personally embroidered security vest and safety gear he had been issued but walked around the head office boasting about his work experience in the bad neighborhoods.

Miniature Poodle Snowflake is alone again. “At least he is paid,” said Loba, “and have scheduled time off. Some sort of progress.”

Yeah, paid less than the Assistant to the Third Subleader of the Ergonomics Technician.

Thefts Again

There has been theft of dog food from one of Trust in Toff’s clients. It happened on Snowflake’s days off. He still got scolded by his manager, a yappy Rat Terrier called Stomper. Somehow, Snowflake should have predicted the trouble and taken action before taking a day off. When Snowflake asked what he possibly could have done better, he was told it is his job to know what to do.

Now, Trust in Toff have recruited a new security manager and it is a coyote called Cowboy.

“Tough situations call for tough management,” said Toff.

Loba is choking on something.

Security Patrol Needed

Snowflake is doing a lot of overtime, patrolling for Trust in Toff. He says that even though he has scheduled time off, it is hard to take it, because theft can happen 24/7 and he thinks management will blame him if something goes wrong. So, he asked for a second patrol dog and amazingly, management agreed!

Loba read the advert: Experienced patrol dog needed for shift work around dog properties. Excellent remuneration and benefits.

“Hmm,” she said, “maybe I should apply, ” I am very experienced from my time in Zorro’s Zecurity and I am getting a little bored at home.”

Zorro looked disturbed and suggested she should spend more time cleaning the doghouse and massage his bad back, but Loba went to the interview anyway.

She came back slightly crushed. “How did it go?” I asked. “Well,” she said, “they totally ignored my experience but asked for my education and pedigree. Then they were very polite and said I was not the right profile, but I could come back and apply again if I complete 99 years of higher education in security overviews with a minor in Oak Cultivation.”

I assume they mean dog years?

I heard later that Trust in Toff never found a second patrol dog and that the recruiters complained heavily about the current shortage of workers.

Cryptocurrency

Zorro now tells me that it is cryptocurrency he should be investing in according to Cash. When Zorro asked him what it is, Cash said it is the future.

Apparently, cryptocurrency can be made in people’s computers from calculations, but you can never see, touch, or smell it. It is a number in a computer file. Cash says he has a load of cryptocurrency, especially, Dogcoins, and it has made him rich. Zorro asked him to show the Dogcoins, but he couldn’t, it’s not there, it is imaginary, or virtual, I think Cash said.

I guess Cash is just imagining that he is rich. Loba told Zorro to NOT hand over any money or food to Cash, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

But Zorro is intrigued, he wants to be rich and all the bigshots like Toff are investing big time. Zorro wants a piece of the action. He is on the phone with that insistent guy, Scam Likely, again.

Complaining Corgis

The Corgis are angry they are not special anymore, for some reason King Charles Cavalier Spaniels have taken their honor place.

“It is so unfair, why should we have to give up the royal treats” whined a Corgi called Clover, “the Spaniels are mean and not sharing! They are depriving us of all the perks we are used to. All dogs in Heaven, I ask you: How can this incredible hardship and injustice be allowed?”

The King Charles Spaniels barked back, aided by a Rottweiler, and told the Corgis to shut up and accept their new status, but that just made it worse.

“You Spaniels are treating us horribly, we Corgis must have justice, our suffering is immense” a couple howled and whined, and they kept up the racket for hours.

I wish the Corgis would shut up. Maybe the Spaniels took their treats and honor position, but which dog has not had a treat stolen or been unfairly scolded? All of us. Everyone. Get over it Corgis and get on with your new life.

Zorro is Investing

Zorro has become really boring; all he does all day is looking at share prices going up and down.

Today, the unemployment figures were high, and all the stocks are down. Yesterday, estimates of future earnings were high at Trust in Toff and it carried all the stocks up. The day before, investors were worried about lower-than-expected growth in the tech industry and a big selloff was triggered. Last week, lowered interest rates in China drove the commodity market up. Two weeks ago, Cash muttered something about inflation which unleashed new worries about higher interest rates, and it lowered the market. Three weeks ago, lowered earnings at Trust in Toff drove the market down, but growth in the tech industry reversed the trend up next day, although lowered demand from China made the stocks tank at the end of trading. But that was before low inflation figures were released, which made stocks rise.

Let’s be clear, Zorro, it does not make sense.

He is not listening to me.

Flurry

Summary of the Annual Pedigree Club’s New Year’s Day Parade

The King Charles Spaniels walked first, the Basset’s second and the honor placement of the Corgis was gone. Toff was on a float with the economy dog Cash and the spokes dog Chat. The float was decorated in a colorful Hawaiian theme with hula dancing Greyhounds and flowery leis. Toff was on a throne dressed like a king with a crown and holding a scepter. The parade threw dog treats to the spectators, mostly mongrels and conscientious objectors, like me and Zorro.

There was a lot of excitement about the annual Toff award, who had done outstanding work for the homeless dogs this year? The jury consisted of Cash and Chat, and it went to Toff himself! The motivation was his tireless work to feed the dog world through the Earthly dog food factory and for his safety record at TiT’s (Trust in Toff security company). No dogs on patrol had been injured!

They did not mention that no thefts had been stopped and that patrol service had been at a minimum. Toff got a rousing applaud when he received the award of 1000 tins of Toff’s Select dog food.

What’s he going to do with that? Probably paying outstanding salaries to the administrative staff at the loss-making business; TiT.