Author: Flurry

The Truth

Loba was right, Zorro was not telling the truth. Yeah, all right, he did call Mom and Dad on Earth, he used voice command instead of dialing with his paws, which we knew he could not do. He demonstrated it to me and Loba, by calling them again. The call was true, and Mom and Dad said he and Loba could be indoor dogs with nice soft beds if they came back to Earth, I heard it myself. But they never said Zorro would be trained as a guard dog with license to bite! They said that he and Loba would get some serious obedience training so they would be nice to be around inside the house.

Zorro says that guard dogs would have to be very obedient and that is just the first stage in his training. That is how he interpreted it and he was telling the truth the first time.

I don’t know what to believe.

Zorro is Calling!

Zorro says he has been calling Dad and Mom on Earth and they say he would be an indoors dog if he came back to life. They also said that he would be trained as a guard dog with license to bite.

Loba does not believe this is true. “He does not even have a phone,” she said, “and Zorro does not know Moms and Dads number and even if he knew, he could not dial it with his paws. Zorro talking to Mom and Dad on the phone is just not believable.”

I understand how Loba is thinking, but on the other hand, if you believe in talking dogs in Doggy Heaven, it’s not a big step to believe this too.

Loba and Zorro’s Dinner Date

Loba and Zorro went to a fine restaurant for their anniversary. Loba ordered first; she had bacon wrapped salmon patties for starters, brisket burger for main course and sardine flavored ice cream for dessert. She got it right away because dog food is served cold.

Then the server asked what Zorro wanted.

“I take what she has,” he said.

Then he ate up everything on Lobas plate.

Tailwind

Loba likes to run with the wind in her tail. Zorro likes to race, and he whispered to me that the trick to win, is to have the wind in your tail.

“I see dogs all the time that think they are faster than they really are because they are running with a tail wind. Boasting and telling other dogs how much they trained. I then make them run in the other direction, and it is a laugh,” said Zorro, “they don’t understand what happened, why their times are so slow. No experience of headwind.”

I have no tail and I don’t like to run. But if I had to run, I want to run with the wind, not against it.

Endless Suffering

Dear Diary, I have noticed an increase in sob stories in Doggy Heaven. Every new arrival is coming with a pity-me story.

“I had a hard life on Earth,” said a pompous Papillon. “Not as hard as mine,” said an overweight Aussi Shepherd mix. “I was suffering every day,” said a toy Poodle. “I was depressed because my life was meaningless,” said a pampered pooch. “It is hard to be spoilt, maybe the worst.” A brawl broke out; several dogs were competitively shouting out their hard life stories.

“I had to play too much.” “I was traumatized by the Vet.” “I ran away and was lost for two hour.” “I survived cancer.” “I suffered from hyperactivity.” “I was overfed and could not walk.” “My human did not love me enough.” “My dog mate got more treats than me.” “I had to eat kibble.” “I did not like my ergonomic bed.” “I felt sad.”

If true, very sad, but dear diary, it is fashionable to be suffering. Some dogs are so bored that they want to suffer, the find it exciting and character-building and see it as a badge of honor. They even think that a good life is not desirable!

I also notice that the dogs with the most miserable life stories (abandoned, hungry, sick, injured and abused) are quiet and appreciate the good life in Doggy Heaven. Food, comfort, safety, friends. Works for me, I will now watch the Lawrence Welk show to forget about all the doggy misery.

Recruiter Reduction

I heard that Trust in Toff (TiT) are laying off staff. “We are a little bit top heavy,” declared Toff.

You bet, I say, lot of TiT, ha, ha, pun intended. Let me explain, dear diary, Trust in Toff is a security company, providing protection against theft and violence for individuals. For that, they have one (1) employee doing security patrols. They have maybe 50 or more dogs as overhead for the board, legal, education, payroll, Canine Resources (CR), employee health and safety, diversity, climate change, entertainment, recruiting, social conscience and I don’t know what.

Toff is going to reduce the number of recruiters. Good idea. And remember to never hire a recruiter that ever has been laid off, no matter the reason. That is the policy recruiters in Trust in Toff had when recruiting workers: laid off once, always on the blacklist.

Did someone say there is a shortage of qualified workers?

March 25 – Hot Stock Tips

“I feel Lead Mountain Bank is going to make huge profits soon,” said Cash to Zorro, “buy a load of shares this bank!”

I asked what he based this assessment on, but Cash said he has a nose for these things, and I will not understand even if he explains. “I have the winning touch,” said Cash, “you don’t. Lead Mountain Bank is really cool.”

Then Cash advised Zorro to invest in Galoramisu. “What is it?” asked Zorro. Cash said he was not sure, but everyone is investing in it, and he should not be left behind. “Go full in, the more you invest, the bigger your profits. In fact, borrow a million and invest it in Galoramisu!”

Sounds like goobledygook to me. Cash is not analyzing anything; he is investing on emotion and following the crowds. I have observed that most economists are going on popular emotions.

I am not that worried about our economy, Loba and I have put a temporary blocker on our bank account.

Cash said our investments are safe in Lead Mountain Bank. The deposits are loaned to solid and profitable businesses that are carefully scrutinized and never will go broke. They are paying handsome interests to the depositors. And the purchase value of your deposits is growing over time.

March 18 – Profitable Banking

“This is how you make a lot of money from banking,” said the economy dog Cash to Zorro. “Just find the bank that gives you the highest returns, don’t even look at average and low returns. You want high returns, that is how you make money. High returns never fail.”

Zorro was impressed and paid Cash handsomely for this insight.

I thought Cash should have mentioned something about risk. I never went to economy school, but I think high returns are associated with risky investments. Zorro is not listening to me.