Author: Flurry

Loba’s Work Evaluation

Zorro is writing Loba’s annual work evaluation for Zorro’s Zecurity. They have not had any jobs, but he will write it anyway. Zorro says he is of the managerial class and it is his duty to evaluate the underlings. I had to do the writing as usual:

Loba has been doing well and is improving on her skills in perimeter patrol. I am overall pleased with Loba’s performance, BUT she can improve in listening to instructions from management and communicate better. I recommend that Loba takes an obedience course.

Then he called Loba and told her the evaluation. She asked if she would be allowed to do an upward assessment of management, but Zorro said it was not on the schedule.

“Well, here it is anyway,” said Loba, “you are not helpful”, and “I will not do the obedience training,” Then she barked “Sniff My Butt,” and disappeared.

I wonder if she will get fired?

Hair Dryers

Loba does not need much grooming with her slick short fur, a quick brush every now and then and she always look great. In consequence, she is unfamiliar with hair dryers.

Today I brought Loba to the spa to show her the pleasure of a warm blow dry. We asked for full speed until our ears were flying in the wind. I used to love the hair dryer on Earth, and Loba loved it too! She was never spoilt on Earth.

Debate Club with Zorro. Topic: Should dogs be allowed to sit and eat with people at the table?

I never get involved in the debates because I don’t like the yapping, but my opinion about having a seat at the table, Dear Diary, is that it depends on your personality. I occasionally sat at the table (not very often) and that was fine because I refrained from putting my paws on the table.

It turned out that all the smaller breeds like Yorkshire terriers, Toy Poodles. Chihuahuas, Maltesers etc., thought it was self-evident that the dog could sit up at the peoples table, but views were mixed amongst the bigger breeds.

The Police dogs were absolutely against it. “Masters eat at the table and dogs eat from their bowl. This discussion is ridiculous. Are you sure you are even DOGS,” they barked in disgust. “You are untrained and scruffy, an embarrasement to the species.”

A big brawl broke out, the small dogs yapped that they had table manners, the big dogs barked indignantly in their deep voices and Loba and I went home. Loba said she was not sure what a table was.

Driving in Heaven

Zorro has found a car to drive in Heaven. It is black and very smart looking; it is called Mustang. Zorro drove up to Loba and me as we were having a little nap in the sun and he howled: “Jump in for a ride!”  

We got excited and I climbed into the back seat and Loba in the front.

“Zorro dear, I did not know you had a driving license,” said Loba. She got no answer.

I showed Loba how to lower the windows, just like I used to do in Mom and Dad’s car. We enjoyed the breeze in our ears. For once both Lobas ears were up. It was fun.

Cleaning Closets

Mom and Dad are cleaning out some closets. They have two piles, one of stuff to throw away and the other for donations. Everything was going fine until they came to my old cupboard. “I keep the bowls and at least one bed for visiting dogs,” said Mom. “What about the sweaters?”

“Throw them away,” said Dad, if we get a new dog, they will not fit, and we want new stuff anyway.” Mom did as she was told, but she kept her favorite the striped, blue sweater. “Just in case,” she said.

By the way, I have no favorite sweater, they were all irritating. Especially that pumpkin outfit Elise insisted on putting on me once a year. I looked ridiculous and it was uncomfortable. But the worst was the Santa hat.

Mom kept the Santa hat too.

A New Dog for Mom and Dad?

“Maybe we should get another dog,” said Dad.

“I like a Greyhound, would look elegant on the Boulevard,” said Mom.

“I like to get Mr. Russell,” said Dad, “Mr. Jack Russell.”

“Oh no,” said Mom, “too much work.”

They agreed they were not yet ready for a new dog.

Zorro thought they should think a lot about breeding and pedigree. Loba says they need to think about character and Auntie Kara says that health is important. I think they should consider if they want a pet or a dog.

Toff is Challenging Zorro

Dear Diary, deep trouble in Heaven today. Toff wants to be the leader of the Debating Club; he is challenging Zorro. He said in front of a big crowd that the Debating Club should have “proper leadership by a real pedigree dog.” All the Toffees cheered him on, even some cross breeds.

Zorro got extremely angry and he said he had a pedigree even if Toff would not understand it, and he pointed out that he started the Debating Club before Toff was even dead!  

Toff laughed at Zorro and said that he would be a better president for the Debating Club because he could provide every dog that vote for him with a tin of extra savory dog food!

Loba barked that food was free in Doggy Heaven and by the way, she had a big basket of high-quality jerky right here and she started to hand out a pieces. Then she said: “Toff, your tins are left on Earth.” She got a big cheer from all sorts of dogs.

Aunt Loba anticipated Toff’s attack and saved the day. It was decided that Uncle Zorro could continue to be the leader of the Debating Club for now, but Loba says that the Toffees are scheming to take over.

Zorro had to do some deep breathing to get his blood pressure down. I am surprised he did not rip Toff to pieces, but we are in Heaven after all.

Train Your Human!

Today I will write about a common problem I observed on Earth. Dogs do not train the humans in their life.

Once you are introduced into the human home, you need to set boundaries: like, I will sit on the settee, I will sleep on the bed and most important of all: I will eat better than dry dog kibble. It is hard to train humans, they are stubborn, but with consistency and patience it can be done. Simply, do not give up, ever.

At night: howl and bark and scratch for hours. The instinct of self-preservation will set in for the human, to get a few hours of sleep, they will let you on the bed. Problem solved!

Food: Just do not eat the kibble. Do not eat it even if you starve, think long-term and hold out. The second day they will feed you soft canned dog food, and if you are lucky, chicken breast. The chicken will turn up no later than the third day if you just control yourself. For a small puppy, this transformation will happen within hours of coming home, I guarantee it.

When you do not have success with your human, take revenge. Find a soft shaggy carpet and poop on it. Do it in front of their eyes, make sure to have eye contact. You will get immediate attention to your complaints.

If you are consistent with the training, you will be set for life! (I was).