Interesting development in Mom’s and Dad’s garage today. They took Victor to a swanky restaurant. There he met a Rolls Royce that pointed out to him that he had a slight dent at the back and that his shine was a little dull.
Victor told Fuji that Rolls Royce’s are useless show off cars, and Fuji agreed. “Old technology”, he said, “and can’t carry a load”.
“Too bulky for city street parking,” said Victor, “gas guzzling monsters”.
It was the first time they agreed on anything.
Mom and Dad watched a new TV program today called Top Dog. It is a competition for Police dogs to find stuff in various rooms, going through obstacles and then finally apprehending a bad guy.
It was fascinating, we all lined and cheered for the teams. The dogs were mainly German Shepherd types, and Zorro kept on shouting that this and that dog probably was his relation, in particular the fast ones.
Zorro got especially excited when the dogs had to bite the bad guy, he barked obscenities to the TV set; take down the good for nothing cat loving slug!; a hefty bite to the rascal food stealing dustbin!; let him feel the wrath of your canines!
When the dog master says, “let go,” the dog must release and return to the master. Zorro think this is a stupid rule, why would you release a bad guy you have caught?
After the program, Zorro started to sniff around everything and going on narrow rocks and jumping logs, it looks like he is training for Top Dog. I asked if he was thinking of a second life at Earth? Zorro said he was trying out skills for the entrance test to the Achievement Club (Ace). He was looking for tricks unsuitable for short legged breeds, like Bassetts.
Mom and Dad have started to eat muesli and granola for breakfast, no more bacon and egg. I guess they are so depressed I am not there that they cannot be bothered to prepare nutritional meals.
On Sundays, Mom and Dad used to have toast for breakfast. I like toast so I would ask for a morsel (or two). Mom would break off a piece and threw it far away. When I was older, my eyesight was poor, and I had to search for the tasty tidbits all over the bedroom. It was quite fun.
One day, she did not give me anything, apparently because the vet had said I was overweight. I got so angry, I deliberately pooped on the antique silk carpet.
You get what you bark for. Stay in charge.
Only Zorro took the DNA test, Toff said he does not believe in its accuracy and will not do it. He has cancelled the idea of testing all dogs in the Pedigree Club.
Loba whispered that Toffs grandmother told him to not take the test, she admitted to a fling with a Beagle. “He was very handsome,” said his grandmother. “Your grandfather does not know,” she added. Not even his Earth people knew. Toff was very upset and shocked and I have promised to not talk about it. I think this means Toff is not really related to the foundation Basset after all. He might even be what we call a mongrel.
We must wait a week for the test results; the dogs are placing bets on Zorro’s ancestry. These are the odds:
Royal Scottish Guard Dog 10/1
Carolina Dog 9/1
Chow Chow Mix 7/1
Shepherd mix 2/1
Indeterminate Mongrel 2/1
So most is going for the mutt or Shepherd mix, I don’t know what to think, I did not bet.
Zorro is nervous about DNA testing, so Raleigh called a meeting to explain.
“You chew and lick on a piece of cotton for a few seconds and then it gets sent to the labs. The Labrador technicians place the cotton in a machine and all your ancestor’s breeds are revealed. It’s in the spit.”
A chocolate Labrador lady stood beside Raleigh and confirmed the information. “It works,” she said, “I, for example, am 100 percent Labrador in the last four generations”.
“And I have a DNA test to prove I am 100 percent Carolina Dog in the last 4 generations,” said Raleigh. “Carolina Dog is difficult to determine, many ancestors were roaming free and have obscure backgrounds.”
Toff thought it was a great idea for the Pedigree Club. He said he has been suspicious of some of the members, a DNA test could get rid of riff raff.
I think Zorro is worried what the DNA test could reveal, but he finally agreed to do the analysis. Toff will take one too, the Labradors will come tomorrow and take samples.
We all think it is curious how Zorro and Raleigh look alike and have the same interests (mainly varmint chasing). Zorro speculates that Royal Scottish Guard Dog and Carolina Dog has common ancient ancestors, maybe a royal guard dog came on a ship and roamed around North America.
Raleigh explained that his great, great, great, great, great, great, great Aunt and Uncle served a military leader in South America. He knows this because he has a very detailed pedigree of all branches of his family. Raleigh suspects that Zorro is their descendant.
“Did you ever hear about Tucker and Petunia,” he asked, “I know they had numerous litters.” After intensive questioning, it turned out that Zorro did not know anything at all about his ancestors. The first he remembers is being at the subdivision guard house and that Master picked him up and put a tartan collar on him and brought him home.
“So, what is this all about Scottish ancestry then,” I asked while Loba vigorously rolled her eyes at me. “Deductions, my dear Flurry,” said Zorro a little bit huffed, “deductions. I was assigned to a gate house, I got a tartan collar, I am loyal and brilliant, what else could it be.” Zorro walked away.
“I think we should do a DNA test,” said Raleigh.
Dear Diary, what is that? Dogs Not Approved test?
It is official, Raleigh really is the Royal Pedigree Best in Show winner Carolina Dog.
Toff growled at him when he arrived in Heaven because he thought Raleigh was Zorro. Now Raleigh is not interested in befriending Toff, and he does not want to join the Pedigree Club.
Raleigh says he met a lot of snooty pedigree dogs on Earth, and conformation was the most boring thing ever. “Had to wait around for hours and then run a few circles with my handler, ridiculous. I did it for the treats. My handler was given bits of paper as a treat to run with me in the ring, and I was given dried beef jerky. I think I had the better end of the deal,” he said and laughed.
Aunt Loba heard that Toff had been told off by the authorities for growling at the new arrivals. Toff is nowhere to be seen.
Toff is still waiting for the Best in Show Carolina Dog to arrive, and he is ranting about Uncle Zorro trying to get into the Pedigree Club again, but it is totally untrue, Zorro has given up on that.
“Yesterday,” Toff snarled, “I saw you approaching Cloud 9, saw it with my own eyes. Get it, once and all, you are NOT a Pedigree dog!”
“I was not near Cloud 9 yesterday and I do not want to be a member of the Pedigree Club,” Zorro asserted with a firm voice, “I will start the Achievement Club, which is based on performance. I will call it the Ace club. I will send you an invitation to take the entrance test, but I doubt you pass it.”
“What performance,” asked Loba? Zorro said he had not written the Club rules yet, but it will be based on service, loyalty, and skills such as varmint chasing. Things that Toff can’t do.
Raleigh is keeping away from the “crazy Bassett,” (Toff), he hangs out with us. Raleigh is very muscular; he had a big yard to exercise in and he kept a lot of racoons at bay. Zorro looks at him admiringly and they seem to be getting along very well, with intense discussions about varmint chasing. They call themselves brothers.
We went to a new place with fields and lots of rabbits. Zorro got excited and tried to catch them, but they just popped up and down, always avoiding him. I had to laugh, poor Uncle Zorro was running so hard, and the rabbits were outmaneuvering him.
“Good exercise,” said Loba, “keeps his blood pressure down.”
Old Aunt Kara was with us, and she chased deer all over the place. She looked young and strong. I think she could catch one of those rabbits if she wanted to, but she left the field open to Zorro.
Loba brought food in a basket and we had a sumptuous lunch of dried cod heads and lamb chops. As we were resting , a new dog we had never met came by. He looked just like Uncle Zorro.
“Good Afternoon,” said the dog. “My name is Raleigh, sorry to disturb you, but can you please help me? I am new in Doggy Heaven and I am lost. I like to find the food pantry.”
We were surprised, all dogs that come to Doggy Heaven get a meal on arrival and are then showed around. Raleigh explained that a whole group of new dogs arrived together and an overly aggressive Heavenly dog had chased him away, so he got separated from the group. We assured him this was not normal, and we invited him share our meal.
“What kind of dog chased you?” asked Aunt Loba. He said it was a crazy Bassett. Zorro asked if a Carolina Dog had arrived with him and he said: “I am a Carolina Dog.”
“No you are not,” said Zorro, “you are a Royal Scottish Guard Dog,” I wrote the breed description myself, and you are a perfect fit! Raleigh looked confused and said he really did not know much about that, but he liked the lamb chops and then he stayed with us for a pleasant afternoon.
Strange that two Carolina Dogs should be dying on the same day. I wonder if Raleigh is not the missing Royal pedigree dog. I am keeping quiet with my suspicion for the moment, only sharing my thoughts with you, dear Diary.
Toff will not leave Zorro in peace.
“We have a Royal and top pedigree dog coming,” Toff casually said to Zorro when they crossed path the other day. “It is a fine specimen that won Best in Show in the Earth Pedigree Club Dog Show. The dog was owned by the Governor of Carolina, which is a sort of king,” said Toff. “His breed is very rare and suitably called Carolina Dog. The Pedigree Club will expand the breed registry to include Carolina Dog.”
This was vexing for Zorro as he has run out of appeals to join the Pedigree Club, Royal Scottish Guard Dog will not be accepted as a breed. He could not find any words to answer, but Loba quickly barked: Will be hard for you to measure up then, Toff!
Toff got worried about what Loba said, so in a pre emptive move, he sacked the Vice President of the Pedigree Club. Toff plans for the new dog to have that position so there will be no discussions about the presidency.
The Pedigree Club Choir has been practicing a song and the Rottweilers have been practicing parading for the welcome ceremony of this special dog.
We will probably not see the arrival, because Loba is planning another family roam-around that day.
Angel Dog Diary 