Author: Flurry

Today is my birthday and Aunt Loba arranged a day of cloud cruising with our friends! It was the first time for me, and it was fun.

This is how it works: you find a small thick cloud and jump into it and then circulate around in Heaven looking at everything. Dogs were waving at us and we waved back. Uncle Zorro was speeding and riding upside down at times.

Loba brought a jerky cake and everyone sang Happy Birthday and we put on silly hats. It was a good birthday.

Should I count myself as reborn in Heaven or should I just keep on counting? I am not sure.

Dear Diary, I had so much fun today, I am still laughing! It started with one of Zorro’s favorite subjects; sardines. “A sardine a day, keeps the doctor away,” he said. I agree – more sardines to the dogs.

Zorro does not care about the flavor or brand; sardines in olive oil, au natural, in tomato sauce, Mediterranean style, it is all good he says. But there is one exception; he does not like sardines in hot sauce.

Which brings me to today’s events. Zorro and I were bored and as it is April Fool’s day, we decided to play a joke on Loba. We went to the food store and located some tins of the spiciest sardines ever. We settled for the ones called “Sardines in Louisiana Flaming Hot 5-alarm sauce”. It had a warning sticker on the cover.

We emptied the tin in Loba’s food bowl. Then we hid behind some bushes and waited. It went as expected, Loba caught a whiff of the fishy smell and came looking for her serving. She eats before she looks, and the bowl was emptied in 10 seconds. At first, there was no reaction. She licked her paws in a rather satisfied way. Then, she opened her jaws, howled and ran here and there aimlessly in lightning speed. Loba eventually stopped at the water sprinkler and rinsed her mouth for at least 10 minutes.

Zorro and I got a good laugh and ran out of the bushes and barked “April Fools, April Fools!” 

Loba kept her composure and said: “Best sardines I ever had. For adults only”.

Mom and Dad have bought a new house in the country and they are discussing getting one or two new dogs!

We have looked at the property and it is quite large. It will need a lot of patrolling and Zorro is considering taking on the job himself. Loba wants to come too! I want to come and sleep inside, we are so excited!

Aunt Kara insists that going back to Earth will not work. We are not listening; she means well, but she is too old.

These are the sort of dreams we have; we need to tell Mom and Dad to wait for us.

After the success of the big protest howl the other day, the coyotes decided to arrange an evening of karaoke. Loba is excited and is going, but Zorro is angry because he had planned a Zorro and the Howlers concert.

“Just schedule it for another time,” said Loba, “most dogs will go to the coyote karaoke anyway.” As Loba is the lead singer, Zorro had no choice but to re-schedule. “We were just getting Bad to the Bone down to perfection,” he grumbled with a disappointed voice.

I did not go to the karaoke, I fear coyotes, but Loba wore her new kilt. It is made of a rare pink tartan and is noticeably short. Zorro tagged along, probably to keep an eye on Loba.

I heard the karaoke though; it was LOUD, and I don’t like all that howling. They did not stop until the early morning.

Mom and Dad have been discussing moving to the countryside. Dad thinks he would like to have a few acres, grow fruit and vegetables, and maybe have some goats. Loba and Zorro got excited and discussed if it was possible to return to Earth. They want to herd the goats, I don’t understand them, goats are scary. But I could go back and live with Mom and Dad again.

Aunt Kara said she tried to go back to Earth when Loba and Zorro were young, but it is not allowed, “absolutely not, impossible” she said.

“Negative attitudes get you nowhere,” said Dr. Goldie to Aunt Kara. “Just be positive, think positive, remember positive power”.

Aunt Kara sighed and walked away.

I have designed a bandana with We Support Misty written on them. Loba and I are handing them out with a piece of bacon, and everyone is wearing one around their necks. I have a sky blue one, Zorro’s is Stars and Stripes and Loba has a pink bandana.

We are marching in the park with our bandanas in support of Misty. Loba asked how this helps Misty, and honestly, I don’t know. But at least it feels like I am doing something for this poor dog!

I called all dogs to a meeting in the park about Misty. The heartless Toffees would only come if I could prove that Misty has a pedigree, a club rule. It did not matter; we had a great crowd ready to support Misty without them.

The small dogs were especially upset and demanded action for Misty. It was decided that we march to the wall near cat Heaven and howl in protest against cats in general. Some dogs said they had cat friends and left, but hundreds of dogs from all walks of Earth barked and howled, demanding justice for Misty as loud as we could for an hour. A racket to remember!

“Best jam ever,” said a Spaniel next no me. “Love the howl along,” said a Labrador mix. I tried to explain what we were trying to achieve, but they were just having fun howling.

The cats were not amused.

We have received a mjaumail from Earth. It reads like this:

Misty the dog is a cat abuser that lives in opulence, stealing food and affection that belong to her fellow, peace loving and defenseless cats. The innate aggression of dogs is at frequent display toward the innocent cats in the house, but cleverly hidden when the house mistress is nearby, and go undetected. Reports of claw marks and a torn ear on Misty are wrong. The minor scabs on Misty are not serious and were incurred by an intrusive sparrow that tried to pick insects from the dog’s dirty fur. We cats demand that you stop writing letters of complaint about Misty’s treatment, and see the error of her ways and allow her food ration to be shared by the poor cats.

Wow! That was a strong message. We don’t know what to believe. Could Misty really be stealing food from the cats? Did a sparrow injure Misty?

Loba scoffed: “Lies and propaganda! This is a serious situation; the cats are attacking Misty; they are after her food, we need to get her out of there!”

Dear Diary, I am so worried about Misty, we must help.

Zorro is adamant that he wants nothing to do with the Pedigree Club. He thought about it momentarily when Loba pointed out that Toff is only 75% Bassett, so Zorro can throw him out. But Zorro is done with the Pedigree Club, he is setting up the Achievement Club, ACE.

Loba asked if he would ditch the tartan, but Zorro said no, he is part Scottish through his Collie background and Master was Scottish. Loba said that was great because she had just got a new kilt, but could he please get rid of the bag pipe music. Zorro agreed and played “Wagon Wheel” and country instead.

Raleigh has done some genealogy on the branch that went to South America and found a breeding line serving the military. Zorros great, great, great uncle twice removed (or something like that) was awarded a medal for saving his masters life! Holy Guacamole! So Zorro was on the right track about his medals and military ancestry after all.

Zorro has decided that Royal Scottish Guard Dog is a sub breed of Carolina Dog. He can do that because he wrote the breed description himself.

Which makes as much sense as chopping tails off some breeds because someone wrote it in the description 100 years ago. I suggest following Zorros lead and changing all breed descriptions to have intact tails and ears. Especially Poodles.

Dear Diary, today was a big day for Zorro, a black Lab came back from the labs with his DNA results.

I read it out:

Carolina Dog 80%

Collie: 12 %

Belgian Malinois: 4%

Akita Inu: 2%

Chow Chow 2%

“Am I a mutt?” Zorro asked nervously.

I had one more line to read.

Conclusion: Zorro is a Carolina Dog.

The lab Lab explained that 80% of Carolina Dog DNA is the cutoff point to be admitted to the breed registry. Raleigh confirmed this and added: “I am 100% Carolina Dog, which is rare and therefore I won Best in Show. Welcome to my breed, brother!”

Zorro fainted.

The Lab took his pulse and said that he will be fine in a moment. When he came to, Loba said: “You can join the Pedigree Club,” then he fainted again.

He is fine now and resting in Lobas arms, but the news has been too much for him. What will happen to Royal Scottish Guard Dog?